Apparently Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine, AKA "that guy from that shitty band," dated Maria Sharapova at some time, which is news to me because in my mind hot famous rich chicks would only ever settle for me. And he claims he broke up with her because she sucks in bed.
"She wouldn't make any noise during sex," Levine said. "I can't tell you how disappointed I was. I really thought, like a lot of guys, that she'd be the loud screaming type. But instead, she just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration.' It was so disillusioning that I went on Paxil for a month afterwards. Really, it was much more of a shock than when I found out there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny."
What the fuck does he mean, there's no Easter Bunny? Who the hell has been hiding my Easter eggs all these years?
Fortunately, I know for a fact that there IS an Easter Bunny because Adam Levine is obviously deluded. Hmmm… Maria screams every time she hits a tennis ball but says nothing in bed? Something about this story says "three-inch penis." Besides, I can look at someone and know if they're telling the truth. My secret: if it's a member of a shitty band for women with no taste, he's lying. Hot chick? Telling the truth.
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If they aren't making any noise, you're not doing it right. Just grab the back of her head and push until you hear something.
Shouldn't he have been sucking some guy's cock when he was in bed with Maria?
Adam Levine forgot the part of the story where he woke up and the sheets were sticky…
The part about getting angry when he moaned makes sense, though – anything that reminded you that Adam Levine was on top of you would definitely be upsetting.
What kind of homo goes on Paxil just because he can't make his girlfiend cum? If I went on a new medication every time that happened, I'd still be drug free.
*instead – shouldn't have been sucking some guy's cock instead…
Because he's queer.
That little queer could probably stick his whole body in her vag, and she still wouldn't make a sound.
Advantage: Maria. Go back to fingering 13-year-olds with VIP passes, you douchetruck.
Maroon 5? Was the guy from Counting Crows not available?
What the hell was he doing with her in the first place? Isn't he the President of MAMBLA? When I fucked her she was screaming like a banshee, and so what if it was up her ass, it's all love making anyway.
He compared her "to a dead frog", but that's proof enough he's lying. Sharapova's not French.
Nothing like Soviet-style sex! No capitalist pig squealing, but efficient fornication for the people! Brezhnev would be proud.
I figure Maria is as audible as fucking Ms. Honeywell in the Boy's Locker room.
What is the difference between Adam Levine and a Snickers Bar? Snickers Really Satisfies.
It is a poor musician who blames his instrument.
She needs to close her eyes and concentrate? Looks like she's imagining someone else is banging her, little musician pussy-boy.
Where to begin?
Yeah, when the other person isn't enjoying it, its because they suck.
Breaking her concentration? Jesus man, take a fucking hint.
Oh, and douchetruck? Bravo, phony. Bravo.
Im going to piggyback ted striker's comment and reiterate that he must be one huge douche if he has to take antidepressants because maria sharapova didnt make enough noise during sex. Also, who admits this in an interview? 'Yeah, that Maria……she sure was quiet when I fucked her." Uhhh, way to go. You sure showed maria there…..she comes off as a hot ass unsatisfied 20 year old millionaire. You come off as a untalented musician who can't get a girl off and then talks about to the press. Good luck with that strategy.
Not only does she suck in bed but she cooks a lousy breakfast too. "What the fuck is Borscht baby? Schnitzengruben is how AEVC likes to kickstart his day." Her ironing skills aren't much to write home about either.
thats odd. she's always been quite vocal when i give her the business.
I am not entirely crazy about Maria but this douche tops my list of assholes, his music sucks, he sounds like a robot, he's gay, and not even close to being good enough for that "quiet" Russian, did I mention his "music" sucks?
I'm sorry, you just don't slam a girl in the press because she didn't enjoy sex with you enough. That is lame. He should have just taken some money from her purse and told his friends she is gay like a normal person. Oh, and fuck Maroon 5. I heard them at the gym once and now I am convinced that I my out of control weight is their fault. Dick.
If you want to make her grunt like she does on the court, you need to roll her over and drill the lock on the back door. You'd probably prefer that anyway, since you can close your eyes and pretend you're nailing that little boy from Jerry Maguire.
That guy so got laid
They broke up because Maria prefers men rather than boy-band ass clowns.
Here's a hint, Adam: if she says you're disturbing her concentration by moaning, it's because she's concentrating on imagining you're someone else, and your high-pitched moaning is reminding her that she made the ill-advised decision to fuck you.
He had to go on anti-depressants after this? Pansy-ass fucknozzle.
He couldn't pleasure a snatch like this?
[withleather.com]
For Christ's sake, it looks like Tom Dempsey place kick'd her pussy.
I agree with Maria, it IS annoying when men moan in bed. Those sounds of male pleasure totally fuck with my concentration – just another example of how selfish some guys can be.
What the fuck does a guy named "Levine" know about Easter. HAHAHA
What we've learned here is that Adam Levine has fucked a dead frog before.
exile.com? no author of article??
I wonder if Levine was fucking the space between the couch cushions. Maybe that's why Ms. Sharapova was silent, and closing her eyes and wishing she were elsewhere.
Hard to make noise if they don't know you started. PINKY PETER! That's what that's all about. You big gay wad from a gay band. You don't ever here Angus Young saying they didn't make any noise. Idiot !
Now that's the iron curtain of old school Soviet love.
The rule among gentlemen is you don't say anything about the quality of the sex with the woman. Period. Because you can't win either by pointing out how good she's in bed or how much she sucks doing the deed. Even if it's the truth, you look like a douche and a braggart either way.
Supposedly this Levine and Sharapova today both denied his remarks yesterday: Levine denied that she was a dead fish, and Sharapova denied ever sleeping with him.
Haha! All the comments are so deliciously full of hate and anger. Here is one more: it is below any dignity to publicly speak of some girls bedside manners, this is simply too low. Maroon 5, I have heard of them, but I don’t know if I have heard their music. It probably sucks.