What to watch for in this weekend's matchups.  Home teams in ALL CAPS.

WET SONG GIRLS over Song Girls — More pics of Havasu-frolicking USC cheerleaders at WeAreSC. 

Appalachian State over #5 MICHIGAN — Totally.  Upset special, baby.

METS-PHILLIES over Angels-Mariners — Seriously, the Mariners' tailspin means it could be a while before I write about baseball again.  As for Mets-Phils, Bugs & Cranks has a pretty sweet video of the upper deck brawl that erupted between fans.  I guess going down a row of people and telling each person, "You're a pussy" isn't as wise as it sounds.

NHL over NBA — Ha!  Not really.  But the Dallas Stars' new ad campaign is mildly humorous (thanks, Alex).

NORTHWESTERN over Northeastern — Wait, those are colleges?  I was just talking about ordinal directions.

Enjoy Labor Day, beautiful people. I plan on taking Monday off, unless I wake up and decide that sitting hunched over a laptop sounds more attractive than drinking and going to the park and looking at girls in bikinis.  Kevin will be here Saturday and Sunday — feel free to keep him company.

Is there anything worse in the sports media than completely senseless weekly power rankings?  Well, yes: Bill Simmons in spandex.  And also people who actually have some kind of emotional investment in power rankings.

1. Scarlett Johansson. Will I go see The Nanny Diaries?  Christ no.  Our love is too deep for me to need to hear her speak.

2. Ashley and the Argonauts.  Greatest thing I saw all week, hands-down.  And if the steeplechaser eating hurdle that I posted on Monday is any indication, Ashley could make it on Ashley and the Argonauts.  Greatest thing I saw all week, hands-down.  And if the steeplechaser eating hurdle that I posted on Monday is any indication, Ashley could make it on Deadspin as early as next week.

3. The Dreambaby. Congratulations, Jonathan Edward Thomas Moynahan.  (Why do I get the feeling he's going to lose his virginity to Jonathan Edward Thomas Moynahan.  (Why do I get the feeling he's going to lose his virginity to Shiloh Jolie-Pitt?)

4. Skateboarding.  Couple different videos of our greatest young Americans this week, but my vote goes to the wail of this young Cubs fan. 

5. Blind people.  They never have to see this.

6. Peter Gammons.  GAMMONS!  PETER GAMMONS!!!

7. SEC Poon.  And just in time for the start of the football season!

8. Travis Henry.  Nine kids with different women isn't a lot.  If you're Wilt Chamberlain.

9. Bills fans.  Even though this guy's head exploded, they get the nod for 289's stellar week.

10. E pluribus unum.  After all these years, still a pretty rad Latin phrase.

Random YouTube o' da week: This video would be better if Fergie got breast cancer.

Back in '97, the Spurs tanked a bunch of games to get a better shot at the #1 draft pick.  Which they subsequently got.  And used to get Tim Duncan.  And 4 NBA titles.  And counting.

In this very special episode of whatever TNT calls their NBA show, they get into the Way Back Machine and check out Sir Charles' comments at the time.  There's a lot of "God doesn't like this" and "The sinners shall receive their due" and whatnot.

The bad news is that Chuck was painfully wrong.  The good news is that there's no God.  Woo-hoo!  Sodomy for everyone! 

[TrueHoop] 

The Cleveland Cavaliers held auditions for their dance team this week, and while there are a lot of enticing options here, I have to say that #68 is my favorite.  Favorite to break a hip. 

[NBA.com] 

Note to Tokyo subway riders: maybe don't grope this one.  I think she could probably even escape the wandering tentacles of octo-porn.  But could she escape my charms?  Not with this rapist wit.

[College Humor via Sons of Sam Malone] 

SLAM Online has a terrific, in-depth article on the production of EA Sports' NBA Live '08 (including interviews with Shawn Marion, Gilbert Arenas, Paul Pierce, and others), and tucked away in the middle of it all is this little nugget on ESPN.com's Sports Guy:

After lunch, everyone moved over to EA's motion capture facility (where they've got an autographed Chris Kaman sneaker on display) and the players—and Bill Simmons, who apparently will be in the game—all squeezed their way into their spandex suits and got ready to have their movements put into the game.

I'm the first person to say how boring it is to use a sports blog to write about writers instead of sports, but I still don't see what he's gonna bring to the game.  NBA Live '08!  Now with HORSE function!  With new extra-nasal commentary!  Hidden "Karate Kid" cookies!