Legendary San Francisco 49ers coach Bill Walsh succumbed to leukemia today.  He was 75.

Walsh won three championships as the Niners' coach in the '80s, and will forever be remembered for developing the timing/precision-based West Coast offense that revolutionized pro football.  He also casts a long shadow on the coaches working today in the NFL, as his coaching tree attests. 

Kind of a bummer.  People dying isn't really funny.  Unless there are clowns involved.  The early reports don't say anything about clowns, though, so I'll keep this respectful and give Bill a too-late thank you for Mike Holmgren — I may sometimes question his play-calling and clock management, but I remember Dennis Erickson and Tom Flores all too well.  My condolences to the Walshes and the 49er and Stanford communities.

Ohboy ohboy ohboy… This happened last week, and I'm officially pissed at any and all Dallas readers who didn't send this my way: 33 high school cheerleaders got into a fight in a dorm hallway at the end of a four-day cheerleading camp, resulting in no arrests, no injuries, and thousands of sports fan boners.

Squads from both Dallas Skyline and Midland high schools were staying in Blanco Hall and preparing to check out about 11:30 a.m. Monday… The Skyline girls staying on the fifth floor began knocking on the doors of the Midland cheerleaders on the fourth floor, he said. Some of the Midland cheerleaders came into the hall. Shouting, pushing and shoving ensued before someone called police.

Man, you hate to see door-knocking turn ugly.  But you can imagine how the argument began.  The Dallas girls were all, "We've got spirit, yes we do.  We've got spirit, how 'bout you?"  And then it was fucking on.  Did no one get the memo about messing with Texas?

NOTE: Some background on the geography here: Everyone, of course, is familiar with Dallas, AKA "Los Angeles with Texans instead of Hollywood people."  Midland, on the other hand, is in the center of west Texas, AKA "Nowhere."

[Via Deadspin]

The Tour de France ended this weekend, and — as expected — a man riding a bicycle won.  Now, I could take this opportunity to post some sincere thoughts on the continued doping controversies that marred this year's Tour and the state of post-Lance cycling in general… OR… I could post another video of a dog wrecking bicyclists!  HOORAY!!! 

[PartMule] 

Two people were injured at Citizens Bank Park — that's the baseball field in Philly — when a food service worker drove a golf cart into an elevator shaft.

[T]he driver had been intentionally riding the cart into the freight elevator door while waiting for it to open. When it did, his coworker said, the driver couldn’t brake in time, and the cart fell an estimated 30 feet onto the elevator below.

Uhhhh… that doesn't even begin to draw the picture for me.  I still have no idea what happened. Why didn't the coworker just say, "It was like that scene in Die Hard 4… except it was a golf cart and not an SUV.  And there was no explosion.  And no Asian chicks died."  (Spoiler alert! -Ed.)  Either that or, "He was being a jackass."  That's just as descriptive.  Funnier, too.

Of course, this is only slightly less bizarre than centerfielder Aaron Rowand's injury from a game of tag with neighborhood kids.  He's listed as day-to-day and is a late scratch for today's game of duck-duck-goose at Timmy's house.

By now probably everyone has seen the "wrong ball" play that landed these kids on Letterman.  But I want to get in on the action, too, so here it is.  I'm always on the cutting edge, man. That's why I got these sweet lines shaved into my head.  Hello, ladies!

I have to give everyone's favorite suspended Titan, Pacman Jones, a little bit of credit.  With his history of violence towards women, I was completely unsurprised when I heard he was involved in a strip club shooting.  But this next move actually caught me off guard.

The Titans cornerback is expected to sign a deal with Total Non-stop Action Wrestling (TNA) soon… Worrick Robinson, an attorney for Jones, said Pacman and TNA are talking about "some kind of role" in the company and told The Tennessean that his client "won't be wrestling" and wouldn't play a villain.

Which isn't exactly what ProWrestling.com is saying:

Adam “Pacman” Jones, has signed a deal with TNA. He will be performing as a professional wrestler. The deal was signed late last week.

At this point, there are still some discrepancies in the reports, so let's not jump to any conclusions.  We should proceed only with cautious optimism — just sit back and trust Pacman's judgment.  After all, I'm sure he knows what he's doing.  He wouldn't sign a contract unless it stated specifically that he gets to choke a bitch.