I can't let another day pass without offering an official congratulations to Tony Parker and Eva Longoria, who completed their unholy union by exchanging vows in a French castle on Saturday, the super-lucky 7-7-07 that will ensure they last forever and ever.
Of course, Parker and Longoria sold the rights for photos of their wedding to OK! or some magazine, so I've got nothing to work with today. Instead, here's a promotional photo of Eva from 2002. I think it's from when her character got engaged on The Young and the Restless, but I'm not about to go about fact-checking a soap opera. Don't get me wrong, I love watchin' my stories, but I'm not spending part of my afternoon researching Y&R. Either way, her first fake TV marriage was probably about as successful her first real marriage to a TV actor, General Hospital's Tyler Christopher. They were married for just less than two years, which is the going over/under set by some cynical readers of this fair site.
But no! I believe in this love! If wealthy famous actresses can't fall in love with and get married to wealthy professional athletes, who are they supposed to sleep with?
No, I meant besides me.
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who are they supposed to sleep with? Enrique is trying to figure that out as well
Right after this photo was taken, she turned her head and bit off this "handsome" dudes melon. Thus, concluding the mating ritual of the ever dangerous Corpus Christi Chupacabra.
i'm still betting on under 2 yrs for this marriage. and everyone knows the only soap worth watching is "days of our lives"
Bunch of damn cynics. Tony and Eva have what it takes to make it. All they need is love. And also a double sided strap-on. And a gay midget hooker.
I can't wait for the inevitable "Eva forbids Tony from traveling with the team" story.
I do believe, if you take a picture of Eva's face once every year from 2002 through the next 10 years, a flipbook of those pictures will resemble that Japanese guy's face melting at the end of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
mediapossum – After the honeymoon, Eva and Tony are going on a retreat with Doug and Jackie Chistie where they will learn from the masters how to have a great NBA marriage.
Is that what you get paid to do around here? Watch your stories?
Weeks later, Eva's real nose was killed in a car crash. I've heard rumors that it could possibly return during next year's sweeps.
I'm assuming that rather than a ring, he presented her with his balls. Since he clearly has no use for them any longer.
So I says to Mabel, I says….
I literally thought that my grandma was the only woman on the planet who talked like that. Thank you for dispelling this harmful, stereotypical notion.
I am disappointed, WE ALL know that General Hospitals Luke and Laura were the standard to live by…..Rape your wife before you marry her…..Yeah, I know the "STORY" line….It would come on after I would go bear hunting with my swiss army knife…
UES007 – don't tell us your grandma got a boob job too…
@ Michael:
That's assuming he ever had them in the first place. He IS French, you know…..
J.L. White, is your avatar of Phil Spector?
Even if she did, I don't speak that frankly about female relatives. Somewhat disturbing.
I'm looking forward to hearing that this bitch is third bill in the off-Broadway production of Tyler Perry's House of Payne in 3 years. Rot in Hell, you two!!!
And in 5 years, she'll right a book chronicling the cock sizes of the cast of Welcome Back, Kotter.
UES007 – are you trying to imply something about With Leather commenter Peter McSheisty?
It wasn't an implication as much as it was straight up saying that he is fucked up. In the most non-threatening and friendly way possible, of course. His body of posting work is much better than mine, so I can't say much.
Hopefully the succubus singlehandedly ends the Spurs 'dynasty'
cynical readers of With Leather? You're being redundant.
To quote Stewie: "Got a clip? No clip? Thought we had a clip…".
To get to the full comedy potential of this marriage, I think Eva needs to make a trip to the Jackie Christie School of Humiliating and Emasculating Your Professional Athlete Husband.
are you trying to imply something about With Leather commenter Peter McSheisty?
It wasn't an implication as much as it was straight up saying that he is fucked up.
So true, so true. The best part is at Christmas when mom and Nonnie flop those things out and we play one big, incestual game of naked twister.
Logjammin' – I've been guilty of it as well, but it helps to read all of the comments before posting your own.
Peter McSheisty – I was attempting to defend your honor, not disparage it.
Thank you, Weed.
But if
touchingtalking about your female relatives fake breasts is wrong then I dont want to be right.I was attempting to disparage it.
But no! I believe in this love! If wealthy famous actresses can't fall in love with and get married to wealthy professional athletes, who are they supposed to sleep with?
No, I meant besides me.
No Lohan, I mean it, back! Back I say!