I've never understood why the arenafootball2 league is necessary when people are already ignoring the Arena Football League. Are depressing American hamlets like Boise and Bakersfield, California really that starved for indoor football? I thought residents of towns like that had meth to pass the time.
Anyway, in the biggest arenafootball2 story of the year, Maurice Troutman (Trout-Man = worst superhero ever) of the Bakersfield Blitz was arrested in Idaho after allegedly raping a woman following a game against the Boise Burn on Sunday night. And, in a touching display of team camaraderie, Troutman had an accomplice:
Boise Police have arrested a second California man and charged him with felony burglary in connection with the rape case. Rennard Reynolds, 30, of Long Beach, CA, is also a player for the Bakersfield Blitz Arena Football team.
And I know what you people are doing. You're preparing your Bengals jokes. Shame on you. A woman was raped. This would never happen in the NFL. NFL players are famous and rich enough to always enjoy consensual sex. So really, the problem is institutional; the blame falls squarely on arenafootball2. And scapegoats. Scapegoats are always to blame.
(Seen on Zero Tolerance)
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/girls-softball-brawl-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/mark-duper-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/peter-mulloy-mugshot-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/08/chad-johnson-dolphins-180x180.jpg)
No Trinidad & Tobago soccer players in Idaho to use as a scapegoat unfortunately.
btw, i did not realize there are 31 afl2 teams in the league. i guess america really loves arewna football.
The crime rate amongst afl2 players is the same as it is across the general population. Racism!
Felony burglary, huh?
I guess he did assist with some "breaking and entering." And it certainly sounds like, at the very least, they took some dignity from the woman.
So nobody is going to ask? Fine, Ill ask the question that is, clearly, on the mind of everyone here.
Who won the game?
To the victor go the spoils… but since they lost they had to take their spoils.
It's not rape, it's just surprise sex
There's an arenafootball2 league?
Ugh, we have to build ANOTHER rape comedy pyramid?
Ironically, the Boise Burn, is what I got after I fucked that stripper in Idaho.
@McSheisty
Downright disturbing how much the boils look like potatoes, huh?
Matt- you have it slightly wrong, residents of places like Bakersfield have to take Meth in order to enjoy Arena2.
Rob…you need to tell the athletes in the world of sports to quit being rapey so we don't have to build comedic rape pyramids then.
But in other news…Trout Man has got to be the BEST superhero ever…why do think his superhuman power is raping chicks? The Trout Man knows what to smell for…
Apetrout Beedog > Trout-man
Rob,
The worst part of a Rape Pyramid is always the bottom.
Okay, so we know WithLeather's official stance on rape… but what about this epidemic of team names that don't end in "s"? The Boise Burn? The Bakersfield Blitz?
Na Na Na Na, Na Na Na Na, NA NA NA NA……Troutman!
Trout Man and Flounder Boy?!
Trout Man and GetHerLegs Boy?
Trout Man and RapeAccomplice Boy?
Remember, it's not considered rape when you are good looking…
Or is that sexual harassment? I get those mixed up.
You know what baseball needs? mlb2!
If you ask me, it's much catchier than "the National League."
Copied from the Blitz' website:
Off the field, Troutman likes to eat, sleep, work out and spend time with his son, Micah (7). His favorite TV show is Lost. The one person in history he would’ve liked to have met is Rick James.
Rick James? No wonder he's Rape-y! He's just trying to be like his role model. "I'm Maurice Troutman BITCH!"
Now why would you rape a woman in Boise when everyone knows there's much better pieces of ass to rape in Bakersfield? I know our stance here is that rape is bad, but jeez, wouldn't you want it to be as good as possible?
Maybe this guy does need to join the Bengals, at least then Carson Palmer can teach him a few things about his meat… wait, does Carson know fish? Hmmm, on second thought Carson only seems to be a wiener expert.
Wait. There are women in Idaho?
Like that woman, I've also attended an arena football game- so I TOTALLY know how she felt.
Was no one else excited to read this line:.
"And, in a touching display of team camaraderie, Troutman had an accomplice"
Hoping agaisnt hope that it was the mascot?
Scott Boras wants to start tracking rapes as a stat in afl2.
el hombre – saying there are good pieces of ass in Bakersfield is an absolute oxymoron.
Matt – there is meth to pass the time, and in Bakersfield, there's also violence. Just ask Joey Porter. People like getting stabby up there.
Steroids caused this rape. Or that's what THEY will tell you.
How the hell is Troutman going to afford a $4 million diamond "I'm sorry for being a rapist" ring on an AFL2 salary?
Matt you are right on the money on NFL players being too classy for rape. It's sort of Whitney Houston's stance on crack:
"Let's get one thing straight, crack is cheap! I make too much money to ever smoke crack! Let's get that straight! Crack is wack!"
What drug is more appropriate for your budget Whitney?
also i'm sorry to disappoint anyones outlook on life, but the site for AFL2 reads:
arenafootball2-The Future Plays Here
start repenting
Troutman is going to have to do a lot worse than that to surpass Maurice Clarett as AFL2's Most Wanted.
Everyone knows that statutory rape is the jaywalking of sex crimes!
Bakersfield: so shitty, Boise has better rape victims.
btw you all are hilarious