Missouri basketball player Kalen Grimes hit a man with the butt of a shotgun last weekend:

Kalen Grimes admitted getting out of the car, pumping the shotgun twice, then striking the man, [Florissant, MO Police Chief William] Karabas said. The victim suffered a cut to the forehead.

This could explain why Mr. Grimes only averaged 7 points per game last year. For future reference, it's 1. Acquire the rock or orange or thirty-ought-six, 2. Double-pump, 3. Shoot. Results are best when you aim at the center mass of your target. 

The incident happened early Saturday and began when Grimes’ cousin, Ryan Fisher, and another man got into an argument over a woman at a Jack in the Box restaurant, Karabas said. The skirmish spilled over onto a Dairy Queen parking lot nearby.

I like street fights that plan for dessert.  You only see this in the Midwest nowadays because everyone is in such a rush on the coasts.  It's all choke down half of a hamburger, shoot the lights out, and then head off to the next house party.  Slow down people.  You have five minutes to enjoy a Peanut Buster Parfait before cracking each other's skulls to see who gets to bed the lovely lass with the badonkadonk full of curly fries. -KD 

(Extra Dilly Bars for A Pudge is a Sandwich.)