Michael Vick has probably the crappiest life of any star athlete in the world right now. As if his offseason of secret-container Aquafina bottles and dogfighting allegations weren't enough fun, #7's former residence in Surry, Virginia — AKA the Doggie Thunderdome — was burglarized sometime between May 8th and May 18th.  From the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, via Busted Play:

Stolen were three plasma televisions (62", 42" and 32"), two floor buffers, a wet/dry vacuum, an upright washer and dryer and a leather sofa valued at $17,550 combined.

Oh, sure, laugh it up.  Where were the guard dogs?  Har, har.  Well, lemme tell you this: the guard dogs were euthanized, you monsters!  Killed by lethal injection in anonymous shelters!  So laugh it up all you want, you unfeeling bastards.  But the dogs are dead, and the floors are unbuffed, and the next owner of that house will have to hang laundry out to dry, which totally doesn't give your underwear that warm, fresh feeling… and now all that's left is this penetrating sadness.