I didn't write anything about Tiger Woods losing the U.S. Open by a stroke because golf is pretty boring unless people are driving their golf carts off of cliffs. But I guess I can congratulate Tiger on his new fatherhood: yesterday, Woods's wife Elin Nordegren gave birth to a baby girl, which they named Sam Alexis.
Nice move, Tiger. Give your daughter a dude's first name and an androgynous middle name. You could have at least waited until puberty before telling her you wanted a son instead.
Anyway, miracle of birth and cigars and proud blah blah blah. I guess some people care about this, but I don't see the big deal. Your wife pooped out a fuck trophy. Hooray. Now hire a nanny and get her back in the gym. Time to tighten things back up. (Note: I meant "tighten up" in the non-gross way, but I guess it can apply in the gross way, too.)
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Normally I don't think i'd be down with the "pregnant chicks are kinda hot" tag, but I'd have no problem poking Sam Alexis in the head.
Your wife pooped out a fuck trophy.
Wow. That line really should be on a Threadless t-shirt …
Pooped out a fuck trophy. Matt Ufford, you are now my new hero, replacing the garbage man who spit in my trashcan before he thew the ENTIRE FUCKING THING IN THE DUMPSTER AND FUCKED IT UP!!!
Ufford- the only reason it's been big news here in DC is because Tiger's brand spankin' new tournament debut's in a couple of weeks. It would have really sucked if he didn't play in his own damn tournament because Elin went into labor that weekend.
Alexis is a androgynous name?
Jack, Tiger can fuck off because of that. He never went to the International in Colorado – with the crazy-ass scoring system, the only thing that made a non-major interesting – so they disbanded it and gave it to Tiger.
Screw you and your cum blossom, Eldrick.
Alexis is a androgynous name?
It's a male name in French, which qualifies it for androgyny. See also: Jean.
Sam Alexis is already a better golfer than Michelle Wie and cries less than Phil Mickelson.
That's a lame baby name. Why not call it something unique like Sebastian Fezziwig.
Tiger's daddy banged an Asian chick to produce him. Tiger knocked up a Swede to bring his offspring into the world. The only way this family gets any less black is if Sam Alex gets knocked up by a prep school albino.
If Tiger were a real black man, he wouldn't have left a space between Sam and Alexis.
Apple Paltrow is going to make fun of this kid.
It aint gross to tighten up her clam…..it should be illegal not to.
BDD, or he would've put an apostrophe.
speaking from experience there is something very cool about banging a pregnant chick.
Phony/BDD — you're both correct. I vote for D'SamAlexis.
@phony gwynn, or he would have gone with the La to start her name and named her LaSam
D'Sahmanthalecksis
i vote for LaSamD'Alexis
"Will Never Live Up to My Expectations" wouldn't fit on the birth certificate
Now that Earl is dead, this kid will never see a black person in her life.
La'D'Alexis'Am'Antha
Steve Williams has advised Elin to get the extra stitch.
That name is horrible. When she grows up she should change it to something nice.
-Englebert Humperdink
Apparently Elin is one of twins and they used to babysit for Jesper Parnevik. Hoorah for Swedish twins. Tiger got in there before Elijah Dukes could unleash the charm on them.
I thought Alexis was a Japanese car. cue sound of doors slamming then wheels screeching and a car burning off into the distance before anyone can react.
Shawn Kemp remains unimpressed.
Chinaski,
You should've seen him throw a pube in the air to check the wind direction for the surgeon. Then he demanded that all the OR equipment sound be turned all the way off or else he was going to clean house.
I thought Alexis was a Japanese car. cue sound of doors slamming then wheels screeching and a car burning off into the distance before anyone can react.
No, he just can't drive anything but a Buick so he name his daughter Alexis.
Breaking news-
Steve Williams just advised Elin's dad to stop taking pictures.
Prego or not. I'd hit it.
If Tiger is really black why is he still with this chick and supporting his kid? I think the whites now have the right to claim him back. So that way we rule in hockey, golf, and half of baseball. I guess hockey isn't really americans though. Who cares about Canadians though? NOT ME! So really we would just have Golf and who the fuck cares about Golf? Wait white people still have softball. Softball is sweet!
All I know is that if Sam Woods ends up having nips as pointy as her dad's, look out!!!!
What was the line on the Elijiah Dukes post yesterday? "I'll fuck (her) so hard your kids will be born dizzy"? Apply this to pregnant Elin. Christ all mighty, shes hot.
Hopefully she picks up the pole vault!
I don't know how Eldrick passed up the chance to name his newborn "Chone"
BDD, if you thought Tiger was poking bad Sunday, imagine how excited his nips were in the ER.
The correct term for male erect nipple sydrome is "he-beams." Yes, that's my invention, but feel free to slip it into dinner conversation.
Now that Earl is dead, this kid will never see a black person in her life.
Are you saying that the Woods discriminate against black servants?
Since the wife is Swedish, they could have compromised and named the kid Norwegian. Whee, boobies in a Stanford T!