06.29.07 TANK JOHNSON’S PANTS ARE ON FIRE
Tank Johnson, the former Bears defensive tackle who was cut last week following an 8-game suspension levied by Der Kommissar, has often spoken about a troubled childhood during which his father was in and out of prison and his mother did drugs. Except, uh, it may not be true.
''You can't fabricate things, and you can't go around making up accusations and building up stories based on your family,'' said [aunt] Chris Johnson, who lives in Gary. Said [father] Terry Johnson Sr: ''I've never been in prison."
Tank Johnson also has told a story about how someone doused him with gasoline and attempted to set him on fire when he lived in Gary. Chris Johnson said she had ''no idea'' if that is true. She said the family ''loves Tank unconditionally, but we don't understand the fabrications and lies. Nobody knows why he does it.''
Ugh, I can't stand liars. One time I killed a person for lying. I smashed his head in with a ballpeen hammer, and when the cops showed up they couldn't charge me with a crime because they couldn't find the murder weapon because I ate it. I was able to digest the wooden handle, but pooping the hammer head out three days later hurt like hell. True story.
Story via the FanHaus
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/03/Jacksonville_Jaguars_Cheerleader_Tryouts_5-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/03/tom-brady-o-face-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/03/BIG_BEN_POSES-for-pictures-with-Milledgeville-police-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/03/DAN_ORLOVSKY-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/03/tony_romo_singing-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2010/03/derek-anderson-150x150.jpg)
There are 20 comments about:
TANK JOHNSON’S PANTS ARE ON FIRE
Fuck this giant dick
Hi, I'm Tommy Flanagan, I mean Tank johnson. You know I'm married to Morgan Fairchild….Yeah, yeah that's the ticket!
If Goodell can kick you out of the NFL for a speeding ticket, I'm thinking lying probably merits the death penalty. I have no problem with this; in fact, I suggest that it be featured at halftime at the Bears home opener.
I don't work in a cubicle all day. I live on the beach. I don't lead a depressing life.
Ha! Me and Tank are liars!
Since the last time I ate a vegetable was 1997, all my craps feel that way.
Tank Johnson is a liar.
He actually ate 432 slim jims but was too embarassed to admit.
Rob Van Winkle approves.
Ice Ice Baby.
"Hey, Tank… are you wearing… a PAJAMA SHIRT?"
"NO!…yes."
Shawn Marion laughs at your difficulty in pooping out hammers.
yeah it's not like we see lying, law breaking criminal, professional football players often or anything
funny story though….can't even get auntee chris to back you up
LIAR! LIAR! PANTs ON FIRE!
Damn! That joke was a sinch.
I used to be a porn star, with a 14 inch pecker…SOFT….I banged the likes of Jenna Jameson (when she looked good), to Kiera Knightley, but I was knocked off my horse with a lightning bolt, and saw the error of my ways, now I run with Pac Man Jones and help make it rain in Africa. REALLY, I am serial….
I once took a shit on a Tank. True story.
That Veronica Vaughn is one hot piece of ace, if you know what I mean. Well, not me personally, but a guy I know. Him and her got…it…on! No. No they didn't. But you could imagine what it'd…be like if they…eh….everybody on? Good! Great! Grand! Wonderful!!
I believe being doused in gasoline and set on fire is the standard greeting in Gary. Oh wait…I may be thinking of Ford Heights.
If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a football player's life is a precious, precious commodity. Just because they have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that they too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.
Andy: heh, I left that same exact comment on digg today about the picture of the little girl who looks like Chris Farley's spawn.
Gold star.
Hey, what a coincidence Mike Vick’s pants are on fire too!
Construda – noun, shitting a hammer.
Hey, what a coincidence Mike Vick’s pants are on fire too!
Yeah, but's that's just because he passed out and tipped over the bong while it was still cherried.
Comment on this post: