06.20.07 PACMAN JONES CHARGED WITH 2 FELONIES
Pacman Jones continues to fulfill his destiny, as the Clark County D.A. has charged him with two counts of felony coercion in the incident that led to the paralyzing shooting of a strip club bouncer. What's felony coercion? I'm not really sure, because I read the .pdf legal document that explained it all. It was just a whole bunch of "herewith" and "did then illegally" and "forthwith" and other lawyer words that don't actually mean anything. But from what I can tell, threatening to kill people and attacking people in a strip club is illegal.
Anyway, it's not like this matters. His charges will get reduced to misdemeanors and no one will ever be found guilty of a near-fatal shooting that has destroyed someone's life. And these fucking stories will keep happening until Pacman gets banned from the NFL for life, then I'll still have to write about him every time he gets picked up on another charge until he finally gets killed back in his old neighborhood. And then everyone will write obituaries saying "What a tragic waste of talent."
Everyone except me. Fuck Pacman Jones. I'm tired of writing about him. I mean, he isn't something you can just ignore, like the NHL or NBA playoffs. The sooner he dies the better. And by "dies" I mean "gets his act cleaned up and flies right for the rest of his Hall of Fame career."
Heh. That's the funniest joke I've written all day.
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There are 28 comments about:
PACMAN JONES CHARGED WITH 2 FELONIES
It's really a shame Lawrence Phillips flamed out before the rise of the sports blogs.
another day, another story about pac-man in trouble with the law.
Damn you, Otto, I was soooo going Lawrence Phillips. Either way, I never thought I'd be alive to see someone dwarf LT and Phillips in the Biggest Loser in NFL History Department. Congrats, Pac.
What I've learn in all of this, is that biting seems totally legal at all time.
Someone could start an all-Pac Man blog, and relieve Matt of his Pac Man duties. Not it!
Cecil Collins will not be left out of your consideration, Otto and Enrico.
I'll do it - http://www.makeitrain.com/20tolife
Please, please let Pacman be killed by a stripper with a gun who's high on coke.
Would be the best irony ever.
Okay, best irony short of Patches O'Hoolihan being killed by the Luck of the Irish sign falling on him.
Cecil Collins, nice call. What kind of brain-dead asshole commits a burglary *during* his rookie season? At least he has 15 years to think about it.
The Dolphins must be the Bermuda Triangle for insane players. Remember Dimitrius Underwood? Tried to commit suicide. With a knife to his neck.
I blame Marino.
Adam Bernard Jones?
and here i thought that all the funny had been squeezed out of this story a long time ago
Incidentally, I was in New Orleans this weekend and must have yelled out "MAKE IT RAIN" a million times at various 'establishments.' Fortunately, these proclamations were not followed by biting, felonious illegal activity, or gunplay.
ues007…that whats my favorite thing i read all day
Tears are raining down in strip clubs across America right now…or are those $1 bills?
@ Otto Man - I blame Marino.
So does Ray Finkle. Laces out!
If I see another batch of Pac Man headlines in my RSS feeds I'm going jump in my car and mow down a bunch of hobos.
They're little footballs!
I'm with you.. fuck Pac-Man. If he got hit by a bus, it'd be karmic justice, IMO. Yeah, I know; a little harsh, but you get my drift.
I for one am confident that Mr.Jones will pull his life together and go on to be a strong member of his community, as well as an accomplished athlete.
Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to take a unicorn rider over to cotton-candy park so I can drink from the mouth of the mighty yoo-hoo river before cuddling with my mermaid girlfriend on the banks of Atlantis.
rider. not rider.
did it again. RIDE.
NOT rider.
I'm retarded.er.
Good, let the Nevada prison system take him away. The last strip club shooting he was involved with was dangerously close to my favorite bar in Decatur, Ga. I don't need a crazed Pacman coming between me and my beer.
Go ahead and give up witring about Pac Man, but as you start to skip the stories about him, you'll develop a huge Pac Man Jones. Alternate post: Don't worry Pacman, once you get to level 17, you'll be rewarded with keys and you can use then to get out of jail.
Otto Man - Thou shalt not take the Lord's name in vain. Wait, what does that even mean? In vain? Like 'pointless'? I'm confused.
Regardless, Marino is the reincarnation of Beowulf. That he never won the biggun' only makes him more Christ-like. Exeunt.
Hey Ace.. You got any more of that gum?
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