Just when you think the scandals in cycling can't get any more ridiculous, a British man has been accused of having sex with a bicycle.
Robert Stewart was allegedly caught in the act by two terrified cleaners who walked into his bedroom in a hostel. Stewart has denied the accusation, claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
The 51-year-old bachelor was charged with the bizarre sexual offence after he was disturbed by the cleaner and her colleague in a private hostel in Ayr. The charge alleges he conducted himself in a disorderly manner, simulated sex with a bicycle and continued to do so while naked from the waist down in the presence of two female employees.
Already the media is trying to frame this guy as some sort of weirdo, but let's not forget that the bike is an inherently sexual creature. You can't go out on the town dressed like that and expect nothing to happen. Just look at how loose that chain is, fer chrissakes! That bike was asking for it. Slut.
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Im not going to judge this guy, but how does one have sex with a bicycle? Or was the bike fucking him. Handlebar up the ass, maybe?
The gears have got to chafe like nobody's business.
What color is your bike? Mine's flesh.
so would a unicycle fetish be the same as an amputee fetish?
claiming it was caused by a misunderstanding after he had too much to drink.
When I get drunk, I usually go around sticking my penis in bicycles, too.
And by bicycles I mean drunk sluts who taste like cigarettes and Appletinis.
P.S. Thanks to reader Luke for the tip.
I once almost bagged this gorgeous Tirreno Razza at a bar in Italy. Couldn't seal the deal, though, so I had to settle for fucking this fat Huffy that was sitting in the corner.
I heard he was wearing nothing but a "LIVESTRONG" bracelet and a creepy smile.
That picture is just so very wrong.
So all of a sudden a girl can bang a washing machine but I can't bang a bike? Seriously you guys, not cool.
Bicexual?
Wait… did it have the basket with flowers and the pink streamers hanging off the handlebars? Because that is sexy.
Maybe he was just trying to Lance her Tour de France.
It was love at first site!!! Think of the ambiance, a private hostle in sexy Ayr, with lonely women picking up your shit, and this beautiful bike just sitting there, with wanting look on its' spokes. I'd hit it! So would tank, he told me so.
I fucked a pumpkin once…I was sober.
no shame robert…."sorry i party"
that's a good enough excuse right?
You know damn well he had the seat off and had the seat post jammed up his ass…whole room probaly smelled like K-Y and chain oil….
That Tirreno Razza that wouldn't go home with Chinaski because she was a total byke.
I was checking out a bike with training wheels…..does that make me a pedalphile?
So that's what happened to Floyd Landis.
I was checking out a bike with training wheels…..does that make me a pedalphile?
LOL!!!!!!!!!
Best line!!!!!
My big wheel gave me a hand job.
You know damn well he had the seat off and had the seat post jammed up his ass…whole room probaly smelled like K-Y and chain oil….
And ass. Nasty ass.
*takes a humble bow*
It's an age old story: Man meets bike. Man takes bike up to his bedroom to fuck it. Leaves the door unlocked so the cleaner and her colleague can catch him in flagrante delicto
"The 51-year-old bachelor was charged with the bizarre sexual offence after he was disturbed by the cleaner"
51-year-old bachelor???…wow, so he's not married. Who'd have guessed?
L_C_P_L,
Take the rest of the week off.
You have earned it my good man.
I've heard of the village bicycle before, but this is rediculous…
um 289?
*fist pump emoticon* yesssssss!!!!!
hahahaha… best pic of the week my man.
How is this illegal??? Did he hurt the bike's feelings? Did the bike say no and he assumed it said yes? Was the bike a virgin?
Why would the bike come inside if it didn't want it? Like my bike now, you better quit looking at me like that… What's that, bad girl? You've been naughty? Daddy needs to teach you a lesson? You little tease! Is this how you like it???!!! You're damn right I'm spanking you!!! I'm gonna teach you a lesson!!! Nobody else is ever going to ride you but me!!! Aw fuck, I'm out of beer…
How it must be – bicycle sex:
[knapsack.porn-host.org]