The gentlemen at Kissing Suzy Kolber dug up Patriots running back Laurence "Koolaid" Maroney's Facebook page, and you must look at the post immediately, if not sooner. Yes, his nickname is Koolaid. And yes, he is wearing a gold chain with the Kool-Aid man on it. Even better, Koolaid offers us these nuggets of wisdom in his Favorite Quotes section:
- “wash u ass”
- “bout time we got some construda in dis mothafucka”
- “u begul shitting”
- “Your ass backwards if you chase hoes, chase the cheese they come with the shit.”
Seriously, how many parties have you been to where you're just like, "Yo, where the hell is the construda? Did no one bring construda?!" And then someone shows up with the construda, and you're all, "Finally!" I totally feel him on that. At least I think I do. I'm not really sure what construda is, so I just assumed it's strippers.
More pictures over at KSK, by the way. Lots of gold teeth, and a little bit of man love. No photos of your beagle, though, which Koolaid claims is shitting.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/226/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Dolphins-Aircraft-Carrier-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/alex-karras-george-plimpton-180x180.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/JR-Smith-Louis-CK-180x180.gif)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Edelman-and-Cooper-with-Bauman-180x180.jpg)
Ooooooh YEAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I believe construda and begul are types of cheese. The kind that comes with the shit.
I thought "cheese" was the name of the form of heroin mixed with Tylenol PM kids these days are doing. So what Koolaid is saying is that instead of chasing tail, I should be hooking up with some low-budget China, and the "hoes" will come after me? Good to know…good to know.
so I guess construda reduces it to 98 problems?
Boy, now I feel really white.
only 2 gold teef? he ain't gangsta
Chump don wan no help, chump don git no help.
Whoa, Maroney actually goes to School in Minnesota? I thought they just flew him in for games.
dinkin flicka
suffice to say, there's not so much "teeth" as there are "gums"
Money Lynch thinks that Koolaid (what a gay nickname) Maroney needs to step up his grill game.
[assets.buffalobills.com]
so if Maroney's shoulder magically heals… is kool-aid the new pickle juice?
He's one wildberry indeed.
Moynahan's having Brady's baby, my ass.
Bill Cosby is very disappointed.
"No photos of your beagle, though, which Koolaid claims is shitting."
Dear God matt, that made me laugh out loud in my office to the point i had tears on my cheeks. Too bad i work in an office full of middle aged women and there's no way in hell i could explain why this is funny. Thank you sir. Good day.
He calls that "gangsta"? He calls that "keepin' it real"? Where's the fat women with the gold weave who think they look like Tyra Banks? Where's the 50-Cent clone who's job it is to stand in the background and glower menacingly? Where the horribly tacky jewelry that costs more than my house?
Someone needs to get him in touch with Pacman for some Street Cred lessons!
Maroney likes to make it drizzle.
Good use of the lip curl, very Billy Idol.
Every picture i see of Maroney I say "now there looks like an intelligent man"
50 bucks says if I go to any club in any city and wear Koolaide bling i'd come out severly bruised and possibly in a coma.
I wonder what Corey 'Conjunction Junction' thinks of this nonsense?
It's a scientific fact that black people will not speak English in 15 years.
Some might even argue that the same statement was made 16 years ago.
No, dude, no.
Sorry, I had to do it.
I think we all now know where Maroney falls in the 'Grape Drink' 'Grape Juice' debate.
I'm on lunch soon, anyone know where I can get some good construda in Chelsea?
"Bling, Bling Motha Fuckah!!! Pour me some of that Construda on my cheese! Now nibble on that shit hoe!"……………What am I thinking?? Anybody have a ebonics dictionary?
I decided to google Koolaid to do a liitle research on his Irish heritage and came across this gem from his days with the Gophers:
After a standout prep career at Missouri’s Normandy High School, Maroney found himself being heavily recruited by the Gophers, who quickly caught a glimpse of the running back’s down-to-earth nature. “(They didn’t need) to show me all the flashy stuff, put me in a good hotel, take me to the best restaurant to get me to come here, because that’s not what I am all about,” Maroney said of the university’s courtship. “I came here for an education and to play football. I told coach Mason, you don’t have to buy me a $100 steak – get me a cheeseburger and I will be all right. Food is food; you don’t have to give me all this expensive food, because it’s all going to the same place.”
@Steve DeBerg
98 problems, and those two ladies in the first pic are two of them. Yeesh.
At least he's still better off than Elijah Dukes. Koolaid for all!
I wonder if Maroney uses as his pickup line:
"Want some of this Koolaid? Don't worry, this Koolaid is sticky, hot, and won't kill ya!"
“only 2 gold teef? he ain’t gangsta” Says the man named Steve DeBerg
I'm confused. So, when I read in the papers that he says…"Everything is looking on pace to me. I don’t have a projection. I’ll be out there hopefully when I get out there, but until then, I’m going to work hard every day to get better", it actually comes out as "Evryfin bangin. Ain gots no jection. When I hit I hit, jus gon gets betta, holla muhfucka"?
I never realized how talented sportswriters really were; able to decipher 'tardspeak.
Minnesota is the Harvard of Retards.