Okay, soccer haters. Go somewhere else for the next hour. This here post is to celebrate the best part of American soccer, Clint Dempsey.
The man they call Deuce scored the decisive goal in the 26th minute to give the US Men's National Team a 1-0 win over Guatemala in the first round of the Gold Cup. Dempsey also scored in a 4-1 friendly against China last weekend, and his goal against Liverpool last month kept his club Fulham from getting relegated from the Premiership. He also made Chuck Norris make out with a dude. He's honestly that much of a badass.
On the other hand, it was fucking Guatemala. That country's so poor they dream about illegally immigrating to Mexico.
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Guatemala's leading export is poverty. Followed closely by famine.
Clint Dempsey rapping. Saw this on Deadspin a year ago. Enjoy.
[www.youtube.com]
You may have been kidding, but southern Mexico actually does have a Guatemalan immigration problem…or were you actually serious due to being well-informed? Could this site actually be less shallow than I thought it was? Jeez, I'll have to start killing time at What Would Tyler Durden Do…
Oh, and Tony Parker's number one export is his non-gender-specific sexual preference.
I wonder if he did any freestyling to celebrate. Now if we could only brainwash Landon Donovan into thinking that every game is against Mexico, we might actually have a shot at international success.
I know you are full of shit now!!!!!! Chuck Norris would never make out with a DUDE!!! Chuck Norris would make out with a fucking Porcipine before he would make out with a dude!!! The porcipine would probably go away crying because of Chucks beard poking it!!!
I can't wait to go into my local Guatemalan deli and tell that cunt behind the counter to go fuck himself.
Doogie- I hate to break this to you but Tim Hardaway wants to talk to Chuck.
The American Apparel girls want me. I can tell.
That country's so poor they dream about illegally immigrating to Mexico.
Awesome.
It there a way to get the NY Knicks relegated to the NBDL?
USA! USA!
The employment rate in Guatemala is so low that they have lots of free time on their hands to learn how to properly hack a bitch and dive like one, too.
Was anyone else entertained by seeing Landon Donovan laid out in the middle of the pitch like that? Get up, you wanker!
Why the fuck does Dempsey keep scoring? It's ruining my hate for him. Keep scoring the goals, Clint, but stop acting like a badass, then rolling around and whining every time someone breathes on you.
And it looks like it's time for someone to change the sand in Landon's vagina. What a waste he is turning into.
Guatemala is like the Idaho of Central America. Nobody really cares until they piss someone off. Or get the crap kicked out of them.
anyone got a video of the goal?
Should we feel proud that we beat a nation that's citizens dream of becoming Mexicans???
Wait, wait, wait…lemme get this straight. A game of soccer was played…and the final score…was 1-0? Surely this must be a misprint!
Why the hell would we care about the guy from Grey's Anatomy???
Oh wait…different guy. Oh well, soccer's pretty pussyish too.
Why the fuck does Dempsey keep scoring? It's ruining my hate for him.
Word. What a dick. At least we only have to pretend to like him when he's playing for the national team, and we no longer have to think about him if we're too fucking lazy to get Fox Soccer Channel.
I'll be very happy on the day they discover him, the douche Landon Donovan, and maybe Bruce Arena (unless he ever returns to DC United) in a homosexual blood orgy love pentangle of dicks. With, say, Chuck Norris and Cobi Jones.
Donovan is an uberdouche surpassed perhaps only by Taylor Twellman.