Bengals wide receiver Chris Henry is being investigated for assaulting a 16-year-old boy, blah blah blah. Fucking shocker.
Police say the 16-year-old and an 18-year-old friend were walking along Wetherington Boulevard near Mt. Zion Road just after 11 p.m. Friday night when, they say a black Navigator or Escalade pulled up next to them. According to the police report, a white male jumped out and started punching the 16-year-old in the face. "From that, the victim tells us another gentleman got out of the vehicle the same vehicle and in their attempt to get away, was shoved to the ground by this African American gentleman," said Cloyd. The teen identified that man as Bengals receiver Chris Henry, and says receiver Reggie McNeill [sic] was also in the vehicle. The teen also alleges that they were throwing beer bottles at him as he tried to run away.
[Henry has] been arrested four times in the past year-and-a-half for marijuana and gun charges, drunk driving and providing alcohol to female minors. His run-ins with the law got him an eight-game, unpaid suspension this upcoming season.
If this is true, Chris Henry is a hero. I hate teenagers. (Chris, if you're reading this, I'll give you $20 to beat the shit out of the kids that hang out on my stoop.) And I think it's great he's hanging out with white people. That's the kind of racial unity this country needs: black and white coming together to beat the crap out of annoying teenagers.
CONTRADICTORY UPDATE: Commenter Scott points out that a rival station has a source that says the accusations were unfounded. So I guess Bengals players are the new bogeyman in Cincinnati. Kids get beat up by grown men, they just assume it was Bengals. Fair enough.
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Should Cincinnati just move the stadium next to the jail so the players don't have long commutes?
He might as well have just branded the phrase "Roger Goodell is a Pussy" on the kid's forehead.
Sounds like the kid asked for it.
That's some serious overuse of the word gentleman there.
This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!!!
in a related story, the sky, appears to be blue. and water… is wet
Chris….who is illiterate, became enraged when he saw one of the teens in question reading. Chris was being pro-active because we all know reading leads to writing. It's a viscious circle. If Chris can't read….NOBODY reads. And now he is being all culturally diversified with his POSSE….sicked a white boy on 'em.
God, I wish he would just get it over with and murder somebody….if you're gonna be a thug….be a thug all the way!
Chris – you will be dead broke by age 26 and just plain dead by 30. Nice work, loser.
I thought the town of Springfield could enlighten us to what was going on in TH's head when he pulled over the van:
[Reverend Lovejoy] Kids, you've had your fun, now we've had our fill!
[Homer] Yeah, you're only here 'cause Marge forgot her pill!
[Wiggum] Kids, you're all just scandalising, vandalizing punks!
[Krusty] Channel hoppin', Ritalin-poppin' monkeys…
But please don't quit the fan club!
[Marge] Kids, I could nag and nag 'til my hair turns blue!
[Mrs Krabappel] Kids, you burn my smokes and don't say "Thank you!"
[Rod & Todd Flanders] Why can't you be like we are?
[Adults] Oh, what a bunch of brats!
[Moe] We oughta drown you just like cats!
I drafted Henry as my 3rd receiver last year. Something tells me he wont be available for the 2007 draft.
Or 2008.
Lawrence Phillips just sent Chris Henry an evite to be cell mates.
Turns out it isn't true.
[www.wlwt.com]
But, still, it's funny what his name gets brought up at all when some random punk gets assaulted. Chris Henry will, in 50 years, be the contemporary equivalent of the boogey man. "You better eat your vegetables or Chris Henry is going to come and beat the shit out of you."
Wow, what a coincidence, the black transvistite I hang out with hates teenagers too.
The teen probably didn't even see him. Everyone in Ohio just assumes at this point: if I am a victim, it's Chris Henry's fault. Punched in the face? Chris Henry did it. Stubbed my toe? Chris Henry did it. The great thing about it: everyone will believe you.
The next generation of fantasy leagues: Athlete police encounters.
1 point: being a witness or in the general vicinity of a crime
2 points: being a "person of interest"
3 points: being detained, but not arrested
4 points: arrest
+2 point bonus for multiple arrests for the same crime
5 points: somone is injured during a crime you are connected to
-1 point for any instance of hush money
6 Points: conviction
7 points: suspension from league
8 points: murder
9 points: serving an actual prison sentence
10 points: getting away with the crime without serving an actual prison sentence.
+ 20 point bonus if Al Sharpton gets involved.
Why isn't there a judge and a jail in the Bengals locker room. After the game, just herd them back in there and let them out for exercise for 3 hours a week later. Use Con Air to fly them to road games.
I don't like how everyone keeps besmirching Mr. Henry's good name.
Chris Henry is going to beat this kids ass for making unfounded accusations against him.
The kid was later quoted as saying, "Well if it wasn't him, then it was either Michael Vick or Elijah Dukes, because he kept saying 'dawg'."
First we have the random Yankee fans giving some young punks a beat down, now a Chris Henry? Is it National Beat Down Punks Month, damn, and I'm missing all the fun. Where's my whacking stick?
let's face it. If you're in the Cincinatti and you see a black man commiting a crime, you would just assume it to be Chris Henry.