Well, this is surprising. I can hardly believe I'm writing about A-Rod after a Red Sox-Yankees series. But the $25 million slugger proved his worth last night, hitting his 20th home run of the season with two outs in the ninth to give the Yankees a 6-5 win. His secret? Tipping the bouncer $50 before he goes into the champagne room.
Actually, yesterday was a good day for drama throughout the major leagues. Shane Victorino capped his own bobblehead day (yep, the one of him in a hula skirt) by hitting a walk-off homer to give the Phillies a 9-8 victory over the Giants. Ryan Howard added a three-run blast for the Phils, and Barry Bonds did fucking nothing. (Seriously, he didn't play.) And in Anaheim, Vladimir Guerrero hit a ninth-inning, two-run shot that erased Baltimore's lead and lifted the Angels a 4-3 win.
It feels very good, especially knowing what our guys did on the mound, to be able to pick them up," Guerrero said through a translator.
A translator? Vlad has 350 career homers now — maybe it's time to learn the language, comrade. Lousy loose immigration policies. We need bigger walls AND an English test. And that English test should be expanded to natural-born citizens, as well. Anyone who fucks up your/you're should be deported. Into space.