Because things happen too quickly in the world of the Cincinnati Bengals for me to keep up with all the time, let's take a moment to catch up with America's most potent high-scoring, wiener-sucking, law-breaking machine.

•  Remember how Chris Henry tested positive for opiates and was going to get 88 days in jail?  Well, actually, prosecutors need to do more tests before anything becomes final.  So this is kind of a retraction.  Until Henry fails the next test, anyway.

•  As Kevin reported this weekend, linebacker A.J. Nicholson was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault. Yesterday, even though Nicholson pleaded not guilty, the Bengals released him.  As usual, shoddy police work is to blame:

[Nicholson's girlfriend] insists she accidentally hit herself with a cell phone, and police misread what happened.

I suppose she accidentally dialed "911" when she hit her face with her own cell phone, as well.  

So there's that.  Steelers fans, before you get too excited about more arrests for your rival team, you might want to check your inbox: Pittsburgh's offensive line coach sent a pornographic email to every GM in the league, plus der Kommissar Herr Goodell.  Man, sometimes "Reply All" can be a real bitch.