The lovely Maria Sharapova advanced to the second round of the French Open by defeating Emilie Loit of France 6-3, 7-6(4), and I'm going to pretend like I know what that 4 in the parentheses means. 

The second-ranked Russian wasted seven break points in the first game of the match, but then converted both of her opportunities in the third and fifth games.  "My shoulder is still not where I want it to be. It's still not perfect," Sharapova said. "I don't think I've had a more serious injury."

I beg to differ Maria, your shoulder is perfect.  Your whole body is perfect.  God must have been drinking Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee the day he crafted your form. But I injured my shoulder once.  In fact, you were indirectly involved.  I'll tell you about it some time over drinks perhaps?  

In other hot clay action, Venus Williams beat Ashley Harkleroad (who is now on my radar) of the United States 6-1, 7-6 (8), Svetlana Kuznetsova triumphed over Ekaterina Bychkova (I wonder what her nickname is?) of Russia 6-0, 6-3, and Anastasia Myskina, the 2004 French Open champion, lost to American Meghann Shaughnessy 6-1, 6-0.

In men's action . . . I'm assuming you don't care either.  I'm going to daydream about playing "Cold War interrogation" with Miss Sharapova now. -KD