Let's all pause a moment to remember yesterday's goodness about Alex Rodriguez's dalliance with a busty blonde in Toronto.  Good times.  And now, ladies and gentlemen, the greatest article ever written in the history of the world:

His wife, Cynthia, brusquely left their East Side pad last night with two suitcases, refusing to speak with reporters…

The Toronto woman also was spotted on A-Rod's arm two weeks ago at a glitzy Las Vegas nightclub, according to gossip Web site TMZ.com. Rodriguez stopped by the Tryst nightclub at the Wynn Las Vegas Resort with the blond after midnight on May 14, an off day while the Yankees were traveling from Seattle to Chicago. They tried to go to the topless pool bar Bare, but were turned away because there was a private party there, a source said…

In New York, A-Rod used to be a regular at the VIP Club, where he always asked for a dancer who performs under the stage name Monique.  Monique is 5-feet-5 with brown hair and brown eyes and has a well-toned, muscular figure, a pal said.  When the stripper jumped over to the Hustler Club, Rodriguez started going there to see her perform and buy sexy lap dances, a source said.

Sexy lap dances?  What kind have I been getting all these years?

A petite stripper at the Hustler Club said A-Rod "likes the she-male, muscular type. They brought me up to the champagne room one time. I spun around once and that was it. I'm not his type."

Well, c'mon.  Who doesn't like the she-male, muscular type?  Everyone?  Oh.

In all fairness to A-Rod, I've probably never admired him as much as I do now, which is saying a lot, because he had some great seasons with the Mariners.  Dude loves strippers, and he loves taking women to strip clubs, and he loves taking strippers home, and he loves taking women home after going to strip clubs.  He's my new hero.  Hit the road, Abraham Lincoln.  You're dead to me.  More than usual, I mean.

Awwww yeah!  You feel that, Canadia?  That's a big ol' American boot up your icy ass.  The Ducks beat the Senators 1-0 last night to take a 2-0 series lead in the Stanley Cup finals, further cementing the American ideals of giving sports teams to overgrown suburbs, framing them around a movie franchise, then having them kick the Canadian capital's ass in the country's preferred sport.  Take that, Molson-breath!  U-S-A!  U-S-A!  

Uhhh… that's pretty much everything I know about hockey.  Some guy named Samuel Pahlsson (Chant with me: "His name is Samuel Pahlsson") scored the deciding goal late in the game, and Ducks captain Scott Niedermayer had some quotes about taking care of home ice, and how he made the Senators do twenty push-ups for wearing a pledge pins on their sweaters.  They're all worthless and weak!

Nothing from last night's baseball games is really inspiring to write about (more A-Rod controversy? Ugh.), so I guess it's a good thing Daisuke Matsuzaka pitched against the Indians last night.  Pitched like ass, I might add.  The Red Sox starter gave up 12 hits and 6 earned runs before getting chased in the sixth inning, and the Indians went on to win 8-4.  His teammates couldn't help him out, either, as the Sawx failed to score a run despite loading the bases with no outs in the seventh. 

The Indians, meanwhile, saved the final game of their series and snapped the Red Sox' five-game winning streak.  Uffordesque hunk Grady Sizemore homered and starter Paul Byrd pitched six strong innings, extending his streak of games without giving up a walk to six.  Ooh, a walkless streak!  Alert Cooperstown!

Other MLB stuff: Boston's Kevin Youkilis and the Mariners' Ichiro! Suzuki both extended their hitting streaks to 22 games… Derek Lowe reached base in all three plate appearances and pitched seven scoreless innings in getting the win — oh, it was against the Nationals?  That hardly counts… The Cubs rallied the troops with a grave team meeting, then finished getting swept by the Marlins in Wrigley by a score of 9-0. Inspiring.

Saint Andrew's Net" is With Leather's daily link dump, written by assistant editor/Chicago native KD. Expect sports and tits.

• Sports Show on Mute examines the best home run trots.   What about Manny?  He's old school and would never think of showing up the pitcher. 
• SPORTSbyBROOKS knows why Matt Leinart is sore.  Kim Kardashian, the Sex Cannon, Wilmer Valderrama and Jenny McCarthy-NSFW all in the same weekend?   "BLUE 22, BLUE  22,  IT HURTS WHEN I PEE, HIKE!"
• The Extrapolater analyzes Jason Giambi.  "Now go do that voodoo that you do so well!" quoth Hedley Lamarr.  And Giambi is just a little like Mongo.  
• Sox Machine loses at Oregon Trail.   Now I know why I never could beat this game.  And I always thought it was because I drank in grammar school.
• The Battle of California pens an ode to Samuel Pahlsson.  Remember when we had to translate all those odes by Horace?  Oh, you didn't learn a dead a language?  Your loss. 

Send your submissions for Saint Andrew's Net to withleather@gmail.com.

I want to straighten out a few things about Allison Stokke and this tangled web of newfound celebrity.

• I maintain that the key to what makes Miss Stokke an intriguing figure is that she's damn good at her sport.  In my experience, most sports fans prefer Maria Sharapova to Anna Kournikova.  Yes, both are attractive, but Sharapova is actually good, and that's why she matters.  Likewise, I wish Miss Stokke the best in her sporting endeavours.  I would love to care about pole vaulting.

• A lot of people seem to be up in arms about With Leather "making" her a celebrity.  If it hadn't been this site, it would have been someone else, and it would have happened sooner rather than later.  In fact, Barstool Sports claims that they'd already "written an entire book" about her by the time I got to the story.  I'm sorry I never got the chance to read it; I'm sure it was excellent.

• How would I feel if it were my daughter that got this unwanted attention?  Well, I don't know.  I'd like to think I'd feel fortunate that my daughter was a record-breaking athlete and honors student with no physical or mental deformities.  It's 2007, people: time to realize that attractive women athletes will always be recognized and — yes, sometimes — obsessed over.  Is it right or wrong?  I don't know.  But it's reality.

To the Stokkes: if you'd like this post removed, please just contact me.  You don't have to be mean or anything.  We all have jobs that can get ugly, but that doesn't make us bad people.

Man, if it weren't for The Offside, I might go a day without remembering that European soccer fans are absolutely fucking ridiculous.  This is from the FA Cup final between Chelsea and Manchester United, and poor Pedro Pinto of British CNN gets beers dumped on him and mauled by Man U fans.  And I can speak from experience, getting a beer dumped on your head sucks.  Hey, don't get mad at me 'cause I said you look like a tramp.  You're the one who bought the Hoochie 2000 costume.

(Apologies for the slowness today.  I've got one more blockbuster post after this, so you should check back in again soon.  You won't want to miss it.)