USA Today has a feature article on one of the two redeeming pieces of the Seattle Mariners organization, Ichiro Suzuki. Ichiro has been known to offer the occasional strange quote that somehow feels lost in translation, but as the USS Mariner points out, some of these really stand out:
On performance-enhancing drugs: “When you take steroids, it’s not as if wings grow out of your back, and you start flying all over the place and stealing home runs (from hitters).
No kidding. Although that would make testing a lot easier. "No wings? Okay, you're clean."
Tiger Woods’ athleticism: “Tiger is a great golfer, but … when you say athlete, I think of Carl Lewis. When you talk about (golfers or race-car drivers), I don’t want to see them run. It’s the same if you were to meet a beautiful girl and go bowling. If she’s an ugly bowler, you are going to be disappointed.”
The distance traveled by that quote is amazing. It's a transcontinental train of thought. But seriously, I won't tolerate some gutterball-throwing broad. I've got league night, and I'll be damned if she's gonna bring down the team's average.
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They need to keep interviewing Ichiro until we can have a calender full of those quotes.
haha… kind of yogi berra quotes, but with an Asian twist.
I’m assuming he used a translator for the interview and that the translator is gonna be out of a job soon.
My girlfriend’s bowling average is about a 46. But, she sings a better national anthem than Carl Lewis.
Is this the guy who learned English from watching Lethal Weapon?
Never would have guessed.
Can’t you imagine the translator giving Ichiro the double-take on this one.
Translator {in Japanese} You want me to say what? I mean, what the hell does a girl bowling have to do with .. no, I don’t want to lose my job. No, I don’t want to sleep on the couch again. Fine, fine. Ichiro says, ‘If she’s an ugly bowler, you are going to be disappointed.’ Oh, and he’d like to add, ‘I have never been more proud not to be an NFL quarterback than today.’”
I thought a little blast from the News Radio past might be instructive here:
Mr. James: “The original title of this book was ‘Jimmy James, Capitalist Lion Tamer’ but I see now that it’s… ‘Jimmy James, Macho Business Donkey Wrestler’… you know what it is… I had the book translated in to Japanese then back in again into English. Macho Business Donkey Wrestler… well there you go… it’s got kind of a ring to it don’t it? Anyway, I wanted to read from chapter three… which is the story of my first rise to financial prominence… I had a small house of brokerage on Wall Street… many days no business come to my hut… my hut… but Jimmy has fear? A thousand times no. I never doubted myself for a minute for I knew that my monkey strong bowels were girded with strength like the loins of a dragon ribboned with fat and the opulence of buffalo… dung. …Glorious sunset of my heart was fading. Soon the super karate monkey death car would park in my space. But Jimmy has fancy plans… and pants to match. The monkey clown horrible karate round and yummy like cute small baby chick would beat the donkey.”
Question: “Mr. James, what did you mean when you wrote bad clown making like super American car racers, I would make them sweat, War War?”
Mr. James: “Well, you know… it’s LIKE when a clown is making like a car… racer… it’s sorta… like… the FCC. The CLOWN… the clown is like the FCC… and I was opposed to the FCC at the time, right? So it was like I was declaring War. WARRRR!”
Question: “So then did the American yum yum clown monkey also represent the FCC?”
Mr. James: “Yeah, it did. Thanks a LOT!”
Question: “What did you mean when you said, “Feel my skills, donkey donkey donkey, donkey donkey?”
Mr. James: *Sigh*
Think Ichiro has bukkaked our girl Yoko?
…its a league game, smokey.
“When you talk about (golfers or race-car drivers), I don’t want to see them run”
How ironic, ’cause when I talk about japanese people, I dont want to see them drive.
Horay Stereotypes!
If she’s not an ugly bowler i’m going to be surprised. Pleasantly so. Ahso.
I think it’s just a bad translation. I think he meant if a girl sticks 3 fingers into your balls just got translated into ugly bowler. It’s obvious he meant that no one wants to see Carl Lewis make a music video. [youtube.com]
I think he was misquoted on the last one. Insert Balling for Bowling and it all makes sense.
After watching that awesome and not at all camp video for the first time hodgedup, i’ve decided i’d like to return to my coma, thank you. Was this where the craze for oversize sunglasses began?
That vid was seriously off the hook
I’m trying to think of a sexy bowling double entendre, but I keep picturing The Jesus. Shudder.
Wow
Remember the kid getting dropkicked by the breakdancer yesterday and how irresponsible the mom must have been. Well i’ll see that mom and raise you the mom in this vid who lets her baby daughter pester a cobra:
[www.liveleak.com]
Ichiro sounds like the Dr. Phil of baseball with his dumb sayings.
He also said, “no tickey…no washey” in an interview. Whatever that means.
Also, Blacks News Radio post was classic. I liked the episode where Phil Hartman collected all the expired “boxed” sandwiches out of the vending machine (nothing to do with Ichiro).
some people have to work to achieve awesomeness. then there’s ichiro san