
Elijah Dukes has gotten plenty of attention lately, from the allegations of threatening to kill his wife (he ain't even bullshittin, dawg) to the foul-mouthed brush-off he gave Tampa reporters. But there's also the little issue of him delivering the game-winning hit in the bottom of the ninth against the Tigers last night. Dukes singled home two runs with the bases loaded to cap the D-Rays' comeback from a 5-2 deficit, proving yet again that athletes can do whatever they want as long as they excel on the ball field. As well it should be. Pro athletes are better than us and deserve to live above the law.
Meanwhile, in the Tigers' clubhouse, baseball genius Jim Leyland somehow is still using Todd Jones as the closer to blow games. I simply don't understand. Can no one else on that team grow an effective closer mustache?
Other MLB stuff: Adrian Beltre hit two home runs and two doubles, and Ichiro extended his hitting streak to 21 games as the Mariners beat up Bartolo Colon and the Angels 12-5… Kyle Lohse threw a complete game shutout to prevent the Reds bullpen from blowing another game, as Cincinnati snapped a six-game losing streak by beating the Pirates… the Red Sox (35-15) keep winning, the Yankees (21-28) keep losing, and everything that Orlando Cabrera said about Yankees fans, in my experience (with a few exceptions), is true.


“the Yankees keep losing” sounds ALMOST as good as that one time i was on TV and heard, “You are NOT the Father!”
In order to become an effective closer, all one needs is a baseball mitt (preferably your strong hand, but exceptions can be made) and a handlebar mustache. I’m a firm believer that anyone who posseses the uncanny ability to grow such an artistic display of facial hair deserves to have a jersey with their name on the back.
On one hand, Elijah Dukes is clearly a loathsome individual. On the other hand, he made sure the Yankees are tied with the Devil Rays for the worst record in the AL East. If he goes on a tear and helps keep the Yanks in last place, he may be eligible for humanitarian awards.
Somewhere in a study that smells of Gentlemans Club Moustache Wax and Old Spice cologne, Rollie Fingers nods approvingly with a single tear rolling down his cheek.
Kyle Lohse…complete game…
Someone go fetch my wet weather/apocalypse gear.
Your attention, please. There’s been a slight change to the Yankees lineup for this Friday. Catching, Roger Clemens, Left field, Roger Clemens, Right field, Roger Clemens, Pitching, Roger Clemens, Third Base, Roger Clemens, Center field, Roger Clemens, First base, Roger Clemens, Shortstop, Roger Clemens, Second base, Roger Clemens, and of course, DH, Bugs Bunny.
Hail. Bugs can strike you out swinging on one pitch, I’ve seen it. I might move him to the mound.
Elijah Dukes, apparently employing Bobby Boucher’s legendary “visualize and attack” method.
He beat his wife extra good that night. Dawg.
i saw bugs bunny strike out THREE guys with one pitch once. they were fucking huge too.
I would comment on this post, but I have a video game to finish. Chuch.
Can we at least get commentary from a Cabrera that matters, like Miguel? Fuck Orlando Cabrera
Fuck Orlando Cabrera? Them’s fightin words! Callin out Yankee fans for the bandwagon, gonna be wearin Mets hats by the end of June motherf’ers that they are AND he was a key member of the immortal 2004 Boston Red Sox? I worship the ground he walks on.
take all the bandwagoners, fuck them too. maybe ill get better seats next year when they leave.