Tom Porras, the 49-year-old high school track coach and former Arena Football League quarterback pictured here, probably won't be working any time soon: he was fired last week after he invited one of his athletes, a 17-year-old girl, to his home for a private training session.  And what do you know, what he calls "athletic massage" the police call "public sexual indecency and assault."  Eh, potayto, potahto.

[T]he student told police that she trusted Porras, her track coach, and believed that going to his home would make her "a better athlete."  The girl said she knew that other athletes had gone to Porras' home for a massage and to work out with him because he is a personal trainer.

Porras told her to put on her two-piece bathing suit, and led her to a loft where he asked her to sit on an exercise ball.  He massaged her neck and shoulders then asked her to roll onto her stomach.  He fondled her buttocks beneath her bathing suit.  Porras kissed her neck, cheeks and buttocks, and told her that if she had questions about sex, he would answer them.  She declined.

The girl told police she "felt uncomfortable, but didn't know what to do."  She became alarmed when he ejaculated on her. He told her it was massage oil.

Yikes.  Who could have expected this from a man with a mustache?  But I won't judge.  It's like the Bible says: "Let he who has not invited a teenage girl one-third his age into his home and exploited her trust to ejaculate on her cast the first stone."