Infuriated with Jerry Buss Jim Buss the mole inside the organization someone in the Lakers front office, Kobe Bryant has demanded a trade from the team.  Or maybe not.  I think he may have changed his mind.  A lot's been going on the last two days, you see, and I don't really give a fuck.

Right now the Lakers are looking to unload Kobe to the Bulls.  Or Suns.  Or Bobcats.  Or maybe it's Lamar Odom and a draft pick they're trying to trade.  The important thing to know is that definitely maybe something might possibly happen during the offseason.  And if you're anything like me, then you realize how important and revelatory this story is.

Something we've also learned recently is that Kobe did not — absolutely not – have a hand in the Lakers trading Shaquille O'Neal to Miami.  Or he did.  But he said that didn't?  Something like that.

Hmm… what else?  Oh yeah, he also raped a chick in Colorado.  Wait, no.  He didn't do that.  Or at least the charges were dropped.  Fucking whatever.  The only thing certain in Kobe's world is that his wife, Vanessa, is an ugly tramp.  Aw dammit!  I keep getting confused!

Brooklyn — the NYC hideout for grown-up nerds (ahem) that brought us whiffle hurling — has now introduced a new "tennis" tournament: Wiimbledon (the extra "i" is for "inane").

Wiimbledon is Brooklyn's first — nay, the world's first! — Wii tennis tournament. Or maybe it just has a cool name. We're clever like that.

Ugh.  I'd go do some Adventures in Journalism with this, except it's just going to be unshaven tattooed skinny guys who need haircuts playing video games.  A firsthand account would make you feel the opposite of what Miss Sharapova stirs inside you.  And we simply can't take that unsexy chance.

This somewhat aged video from the delightfully named PandaChute shows a scene from the DVD Rampage Unchained in which new UFC light-heavyweight champion Quinton 'Rampage' Jackson goes shopping for a jockstrap.  And he's either in Japan or some Wal-Mart where all the workers are Japanese.  And he sexually harasses and insults them.  Wee! 

Oh, large deadly black men.  What won't they do?

NiShea Gilbert, the Nubian beauty you see here and the wife of Devil Rays rookie Elijah Dukes, has received a one-year protective order and filed for divorce from the outfielder, thus ending America's love affair with their love affair.  And by "their love affair" I mean "death threat voice mails."  But by America's love affair I genuinely mean love affair.  As we close the books on this modern-day Camelot, let's look back — just one last time — on some of Elijah's sweet nothings to his bride:

"Hey, dawg. It's on, dawg. You dead, dawg. I ain't even bulls——-. Your kids too, dawg. It don't even matter to me who is in the car with you. N—–, all I know is, n—–, when I see your m—–f——- a– riding, dawg, it's on. As a matter of fact, I'm coming to your m—–f—— house."

Fare thee well, NiShea.  I doubt you can find another handsome prince like Elijah or me, but I wish you luck nonetheless.

As for Dukes?  He's just doing his thing, man.  Besides cussing out reporters and getting a game-winning hit, he was also arrested this week for marijuana possession after a traffic stop.  It is unclear whether he was on his way to NiShea's m—–f—— house at the time.

So, Roger Clemens is against cancer, eh?  Pot, I'd like you to meet the kettle.

Oh, and nice windbreaker, fatass.

(Seen on FanHaus via the Postmen) 

Hey college football fans!  Do you love Boise in December?  Me neither!  Regardless, the Humanitarian Bowl — formerly known as the Crucials.com Humanitarian Bowl and the MPC Computers Humanitarian Bowl — will now be the Roady's Humanitarian Bowl.

The Boise college football bowl game played each December at Bronco Stadium has a new sponsor: Roady’s Truck Stops… The chain has headquarters in New Plymouth, Idaho, with locations around the country.  The "Truck Stops" portion of the company's name will not be included in the bowl title.

Apparently, they didn't want it to be confused with the Truck Stop Bowl, which I believe is played on I-80 in Ohio.  Beautiful stretch of highway there.  All the grit and depression of Gary, Indiana, but without the buildings.