Christopher Davies, a sportswriter in the UK who used to work for the Daily Telegraph, is accused of lacing desserts with tranquilizers at dinners he hosted.  But why would he do such a thing?

One woman became dizzy at the dinner party… and went to lay down. She claimed that she woke up twice to find Mr Davies stroking her hair and kissing her wearing just a t-shirt and underpants.

Wait. Is that wrong?

[Davies] said he was "mortified" that one of his female guests at a boozy dinner party had found part of a diazepam tablet in her dessert. He denied deliberately planting it there and said it must have dropped in unnoticed when he was taking the "chill out pill" to calm himself after getting upset over his terminally ill father.

Yes, yes, that's it.  I was distracted… by my plans for date rape… and that's why I didn't grind the pill up like any self-respecting date-rapist.  Wait, that came out all wrong!

This would have worked out differently if he had worked for ESPN.  Those guys really know their way around sexual harassment.  Davies, though — shit, that guy couldn't molest his way out of a paper bag.

Big ups: Steroid Nation, which was too good to use this picture with the story.