By taking the checkered flag at yesterday's Aaron's 499 at Talladega, Jeff Gordon earned his 77th career win, surpassing Dale Earnhardt for fifth place on the all-time wins list (Richard Petty is first with 200). NASCAR fans expressed their pleasure with Gordon's victory by offering him free beverages, littering the track with beer cans when the race ended.
Obviously, this is a classless, disgusting, dangerous act, and it should only ever be done in European and South American soccer stadiums and wherever Barry Bonds hits his 756th home run.
(The video is from Saturday's Busch Series race. Not really related to the story, but a lot more fun to watch.)
Unbelievable athletic feats are happening every third night long after I pass out from the ether fumes: the #8 Golden State Warriors keep beating the top-seeded Dallas Mavericks. Last night the Warriors won 103-99 to take a 3-1 series lead, and the hierarchy of basketball greatness in the present NBA stands on the precipice of collapse. As always in these times of Association-related confusion, I turn to the savants over at FreeDarko (written before last night's game):
At this point, an eventual Dallas win would squelch these neurotic rumblings. If the Warriors took the series, though, our only choices would be denial or total anarchy. Because the way they're playing, and the way Dallas is responding, that's anything but luck bearing down on an Achilles. That, my friends, is what you call proof through revelation.
I'm not sure what "proof through revelation" is, but that FreeDarko post also has a picture of a donkey on a tennis court, so I assume they know what they're talking about.
Other NBA news: The Suns took a 3-1 lead behind 17-point, 23-assist performance from Nash and 27/21 from Amare. And Tenacious D loved it… Heat get swept on account of oldness (as covered by Kevin yesterday)… and the Nets covered by Kevin yesterday)… and the Nets destroyed the Raptors 102-81 to take a 3-1 series lead. New Jersey over Canadia. Think about that for a while.
Hey, the NFL draft happened! Woooo! JaMarcus went #1! Joe Thomas fished! Brady Quinn sucks! And needs Retin-A! Randy Moss to the Patriots! Darrell Jackson to the division-rival 49ers! So many exclamation points!
Of course, the lasting memory of this draft will be the uncomfortable awkwardness of Brady Quinn's precipitous fall to #22, where the Browns finally grabbed him after passing on him to get Thomas at #3. More simply put, in the newest song from BradyFan83, "That Brady Is a Chump."
Saint Andrew's Net" is With Leather's daily link dump, written by assistant editor/Chicago native KD. Expect sports and tits.
Send your submissions for Saint Andrew's Net to withleather@gmail.com.
Assistant Editor Note: Do not throw batteries at anyone! This is all in fun. If your team lacks luster, taunt them with ribald rhymes in iambic pentameter like I do.
MLB has nearly completed a month of play, and it's time for the fans of the last place clubs to evaluate their team's performance in terms of volts of Direct Current. The bigger the disappointment, the bigger the battery.
New York Yankees - Energizer 'D' cells. Classic, like the Big Apple. Heavy enough to let pitching staff know you're upset, but light enough not to do any permanent damage. The Bombers have enough injuries.
Kansas City Royals - Eveready 'AA's. They're light, and you get more bang for your buck - you're going to need these for a while.
Texas Rangers - Wal-Mart brand 9 volts. Make sure they're out of juice by licking the poles. (Hi-yo!)
Colorado Rockies - Duracell Rechargeable 'AAA's. The Mountains still have a chance to recover, and Christian Clubhouses love to recycle.
Had the Cards played the Cubs tonight, one of these teams would be tied for last place in the NL Central with the Astros, so . . .
St. Louis Cardinals and Houston Astros - Beltone Hearing Aid batteries. This division is wide open, but let them know you're annoyed with a token purchase.
Chicago Cubs - George Westinghouse's magic Alternate Current. It's been 99 years, time to tell the Lovable Losers you mean business. It will anger Thomas Alva Edison, but what has he done for you lately?
Washington Nationals - Sears Die Hard car battery. Add some jumper cables to reanimate Walter Johnson.
There you have it, we'll review the standings again near Memorial Day. And please dispose of your batteries in the proper receptacle, or, failing that, I've heard that low grade battery acid makes a serviceable hallucinogenic. -KD
OK, here's the hard-hitting, in-depth 2007 NFL Draft analysis for which you've been clamoring. My team drafted really well, and your team didn't. All of my favorite club's draft picks will evolve in to twelve-year veteran superstars, and your favorite squad's picks will wash out in Training Camp. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but my smidgen of Dutch ancestry allows me to expertly evaluate human beings based solely on their potential physical talents. For less insightful analysis, see Deadspin, or Football Outsiders, or the NSFW blog of your choosing.
Oh yeah, the Oakland Raiders traded Randy Moss to the New England Patriots for a fourth round draft choice. Will this work out for the Belichick and the Pats? Um, because I don't want it this gamble to succeed, I predict Mr. Moss will have a career year. Read all about it as Len Pasquarelli awards the gregarious Coach a M.S. in Chemical Engineering or is it a Ph.D. in Alchemy from the Royal Magic College of Hyderabad. It may be a party magic college, but it's still a doctorate in team chemistry. -KD
Assistant Editor Note: Look for more expert Draft examination from the Chief tomorrow. And view Comment 196 on this Draft Preview to catch a glimpse of the Ghost of Al Campanis - racists suck.
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