Russ Williams, a former champion kickboxer living in Wales, has taught his dog, a black Russian terrier named Ringo Tsar, the same martial art.  Yes, seriously.

"If there was a British Thai boxing championship for dogs then Ringo would win paws-down every time," he said. "There are a few humans he could beat as well."…

And those humans are babies, quadriplegics, and coma patients. 

"He can jump and kick to command with his two front feet at a punch bag or kick pad.

"It seems much better to teach a guard dog to do this than to bite."

Yes, because who's afraid of getting bitten by a dog?  What's that?  Well, I mean besides everyone.  You just think you're so smart, don't you?  Go invent something if you have all the answers.  Or help me find my pants.  I got arrested the last time I went out like this.

(Thanks to longtime reader David, who could looks just like Michelangelo's David except his junk is huge. That's what I heard, anyway.)