03.30.07 WEEKEND PICKS: FINAL FOUR, FINALLY

What to watch for in this weekend's biggest match-ups. Home team in ALL CAPS. All times Eastern.

GOING TO ATLANTA over Watching the Games at Home — Yup, my overlords can be kindly masters.

BULLS over Cavs (Saturday, 3:00, ESPN) — And now the Cavs will win. You're welcome, LeBron. You can pay me back by buying me a lap dance.

REGULAR SEASON over Spring Training (Sunday, 8:05, ESPN 2) — Finally, a meaningful game when the Cardinals host the Mets.  Only five more months until this gets exciting.

Georgetown over OHIO STATE (Saturday, 6:07, CBS) — There's a vast Catholic conspiracy here, and Greg Oden won't be able to stop it. (Note: this is the AsstEd's pick. I'm not about to jinx my picks.)

Mavericks over SUNS (Sunday, 3:30, ABC) –  The last Showdown of the Year before the Western Conference Finals. Note: If the Spurs bump off either of these two teams I will break Tony Parker's stupid French legs. Ass.

Super Frankie Lampard over WATFORD — The Chelsea star will face the cellar-dwellers wearing a cast on his broken wrist. Premiership games I care about this weekend: Arsenal @ Liverpool, Portsmouth @ Fulham USA. This concludes your soccer coverage. With Leather regrets bringing it up.

THAI over Chinese — This applies to both the food and the hookers. Naturally, I've only tried the food. Well, that's a lie. I'm afraid Thai might give me indigestion.

…and I'm spent. Have fun with Kevin at the helm this weekend. Drunk at the helm, naturally. Who doesn't drink when they go boating? And by boating I mean motorboating. Or watersports. Ah hell I don't know. I'm gonna go drink a beer.