Regular skydiving? That's for pussies. It's not nearly dangerous enough.

I'm not really sure why people insist on skydiving. If you like the adrenaline rush of coming close to death, why go to all that trouble of buying that equipment and getting in a plane? Just do what I do and sleep with the daughter of a sheriff in a small southern town. Because dads down there always come into their daughters' rooms without knocking. And then I have to get out of bed and jump out the window while he's getting his shotgun, and I'm trying to run away while putting on my pants, and he fires at me and misses because I fell down while hopping into my second pants leg. And then Lizabelle laughs and shakes her pretty blonde head because my crazy hijinks are so endearing.

THAT, my friends, is eXtreme. (See what I did there? I capitalized the "x" to make it edgy. Like me.)

[Video originally seen on Public Nip Slips. And yes, it's just as good at sounds, though there are far too few actual nip slips.]