Good morning, sexy readers. I trust you all had debaucherous weekends of 300-inspired sex and brawling. I thought I'd start the week off with the best kind of story: a Pacman Jones story. File this one under "Man threatens Pacman":

Police arrested Clayton Smith of Spring Hill on Friday night after he pulled a knife on Jones at a bowling alley. Smith "threatened to beat up Mr. Jones and to use the knife on him," said Franklin police detective Stephanie Cisco, who was at the Franklin Family Entertainment Center when the incident occurred around 10:15 p.m… "Mr. Jones was here just trying to be a normal customer, trying to bowl" with several other people, Cisco said.

Wait, wait, wait. Whoa. Hold on. No. Wait a sec. This can't — hold on. Okay. All right. I think I'm ready — no. Not yet. Still can't comprehend. Gotta breathe here. Okay. Phew.

To recap: Pacman Jones was in danger on Friday night, and a police detective who witnessed it said it wasn't his fault. However, he did have the bad judgment to spend his Friday night bowling. Those places are dens of violence filled with creeps.