SI.com has an inexplicably shamelessly fawning interview with Jim Nantz [Note: it was conducted a year ago], in which the industry's leading provider of swimsuit-related masturbation material kindly provides Nantz the opportunity to fellate all things Augusta-related and to stick up for the shining perfection of sport that is golf. A sample:

SI: Are there steroids in golf?

JN: I would be shocked if there's anybody in professional golf doing that. Shocked. You hear, "They're hitting it so far." But golfers are not cheats. The guys up on the pedestal in our sport play by the rules. That's unusual in our society. It's beautiful.

SI: Not one guy using steroids?

JN: One guy can cause a scandal. The fans would be devastated. But there's not a scandal and there's not going to be one. We should not even breathe a hint of suspicion; it's a nonissue.

So there you go. Not only are golfers NOT using steroids; the mere thought of it is a complete abomination. Golf is fucking pristine! And let's not overlook this:

SI: Is the Masters better than the Super Bowl?

JN: Better than any event I could ever cover. People in my industry chuckle when I say that. They call it a momentary loss of sanity. But when a guy comes walking up the 72nd hole at Augusta, my heart gets going.

I understand that everyone's entitled to an opinion, and rich white people deserve to have a game they can play on nice days, but this is a crock. When it comes to approaching the excitement surrounding the Super Bowl, I can see arguments for the World Cup and the Olympics, maybe a World Series Game 7, certainly a Scarlett Johansson nude scene… but the Masters? Sure, it's better than the U.S. Open. But I'm not re-scheduling my Sunday afternoon of waking up at 3:00 p.m. and drinking Bloody Marys so I can watch it.