Page Six + O.J. Simpson + Anna Nicole Simpson = Too. Much. Information.
When the blond bombshell died last month and at least three men claimed to be the father of her baby girl, Dannielynn, the double-murder acquittee "said he was throwing his hat into the ring," [Simpson videographer] Norm Pardo told Page Six… "He said he knew Anna Nicole pretty well, and he said he had slow-moving sperm, and he might be the father." Simpson and Smith were castmates in "Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult" (1994), and Anna Nicole was certainly O.J.'s type… Simpson, who often visits the Bahamas, also joked to Pardo, "I hope they don't do a DNA test on Anna Nicole's baby. If they find out Dannielynn is mine, I don't want Fred Goldman trying to seize her money – or the baby herself." Goldman – the father of Ron Goldman, who was killed with Nicole – has been the most relentless in pursuing damages over the murders in civil court.
Man, is it just me, or do jokes about your murder victims' parents never get old? Comedic gold every time. At least as funny as slow-moving sperm.
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I still can’t believe the funeral home posed her corpse in such a sexy fashion.
I don’t know how to break it to you, O.J., but Dannielynn doesn’t exactly look biracial.
“Should we be talking about this?”
so “pretty well” means in the biblical sense, and how slow-moving are those sperm? did he really admit that?
I figured OJ’s sperm would be leaping over diaphragms and flying through tiny cervical gaps to score.
Kinky. But I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible.
Honestly, O.J. Simpson’s life is exactly like “Donnie Darko”… except in the end, rather than stealing a plane’s engine from a different timeline to kill himself, O.J. writes a book.
F’d up Rabbit: O.J. if you die back in the 80′s, you’ll end up being known for your football skills, rent-a-car commercials, and Naked Gun. If you choose to live, you’ll kill two people, lose all of your money, have to sell your Heisman Trophy, and your life will be a sick twisted story that can never end well.
O.J.: Do I get to chip golf balls?
F’d up Rabbit: Ok, that’s it, I’m out of here!
annnnnd SCENE!
If you can’t laugh at yourself and the parents of the man whose head you tried to chop off – who can you laugh at?
Ya know what….I think I may be the real father. I shot it all over her Playboy spread when I was 15. That could be the answer to these questions!
The juice is loose!
Cosmo Luca – now THAT’S some slow-moving sperm!
What is it about dead blondes that OJ finds so attractive?
Any truth to the rumor that OJ is in the Bahamas right now looking for the real killer?
Nope, he’s just making sure the pill cases are too small for the drugs he takes. You know, so as to have an alibi.
OJ’s sperm isn’t slow-moving, per ce. The sperm is merely hiding in the bushes, waiting for the perfect time to strike!