What to watch for in this weekend's biggest match-ups. Home team in ALL CAPS.

SHARKS over Anacondas — Dude, if a grandpa can beat an anaconda…

Pro Bowl over ARENA FOOTBALL — The Pro Bowl's gonna suck, all right, but it's gonna suck less than a season of arena league.

CLIPPERBLOG over Everybody Who Wrote Anything About John Amaechi — I've stayed away from this story, but ClipperBlog's take, coming from the vantage point of a gay sports fan, is the by far and away the best I've read over the last week.

PISTONS over Eastern Conference — So Chris Webber can still be a factor. Huh.

COCKFIGHTING over Dogfighting — Chickens fighting = hilarious, banned. Dogs fighting = sad, legal (in Russia).

The Super Bowl over FASHION WEEK — I traveled to go to one and get away from the other. So worth it. Midwestern sports fans > anorexic bitchy idiots.

HIGH SCHOOL JAZZ BAND over Bette Midler and Billy Joel — Why must the NBA and NFL demand the National Anthem be sung by dying stars? Seriously: Christina Aguilera sings real good, and (freakshow husband or not), that's a nicely stacked set of dishes.

That's all for me. Check in throughout this weekend — K-DeB Kevin will keep you up to speed on the various goings-on of the sporting world. Bonus: hearing him repent for his sins counts as going to church. So long, Chreaster!