I always think of Jonathan Papelbon as some XBox-playing child, so it's weird to think of him  operating a firearm and going hunting. And it's really, really weird to think of him duck-hunting with Eli Manning (last item, registration required).

Papelbon regaled reporters with tales of duck hunting last month with New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning in Manning's hometown of Drew, Miss. "We slaughtered those ducks," said Papelbon, who also boasted about his duck recipes, which he claims are far superior to one he found in a book that was attributed to Ted Williams ("I tried it and it was terrible, dude" he said.) "What I do," Papelbon said, "you marinate it in Coke and Italian dressing, right. What the Coke does, the carbonation takes out all the game flavor. So you marinate it in Coke and Italian dressing in a Ziploc bag. Then what you do, you slice up a breast, quarter it in fours, and then you wrap those four little nuggets in bacon, jalapeno, and sour cream, so you wrap it all in a piece of bacon, throw it on a grill. It's amazing."

So, there you go. Today's lessons: Ted Williams's recipes are bullshit, marinate your duck in Coke, and leave Eli at home. C'mon, Eli overthrows 6-foot-5 Plaxico Burress on ten-yard out patterns. You really think he can shoot a duck on the move?

Note: I fucking hated that asshole dog.