I guess Canadia doesn't have the whole speedy trial thing we strive for here in the U S of A, because former Bucks teammates Gary Payton, Sam Cassell, and Jason Caffey have been "cleared of assaulting a male exotic dancer and his stripper fiancée during an ugly confrontation outside a downtown Toronto strip club" in 2003.

Justice William Bassel ruled yesterday that although basketball star Gary Payton likely sparked a dispute with foul language and taunts, he is "not on trial for his vulgar … and offensive conduct."

[Male stripper Adrian] Cimpean alleged Payton started hitting him after he objected to the athlete insulting his fiancée, Vida Asante, as the couple left the club…

But the judge said yesterday the couple's testimony was riddled with exaggerations, inconsistencies and amendments on the fly.

Phew. Justice prevails once again, as some of the NBA's most mild-mannered players are cleared of wrongdoing. Ordinarily I'd have Vida's back here, but once a girl associates with a male stripper, she may as well insert a bear trap in her uterus. Pigeons and sewer rats are cleaner than male strippers.

Big ups: 10,000 Takes