I'd be doing something wrong if I didn't point out that spring training games finally started today, from unbalanced matchups like the Braves two-hitting Georgia Tech to the much more fair Pirates versus Manatee Community College (the Pirates won).

All in all, the next month of Cactus and Grapefruit League action will make for some astoundingly dull SportsCenter highlights and hieroglyphic box scores, but it's pretty much all the non-basketball fans have to tide them over until April.

I'll be checking in with baseball every time the stories get sexy, of course, but if you're thirsty for some daily MLB preview action, allow me to point you in the direction of The Dugout and Deadspin, which have been previewing one team a day and will continue to do so each weekday until the season starts. Deadspin even managed to rope some fuckin' sexy dude to write about the Seattle Mariners.

Anyway, this is just your first warning to get excited for baseball. The second warning will come around opening day. Then we can pay attention to MLB for two weeks, then tune out until the All-Star Game, then take another month and a half off, then start paying attention to the pennant races in late August. Because really, 162 games? I barely have the attention span necessary for an entire episode of The Simpsons.

I was looking and looking for some kind of story that would be interesting for my next post, but instead I decided to go with what I do best: an obliquely sports-related piece of tail.

The lady in question here is Julianna Zobrist, wife of Ben Zobrist (who?) of the Tampa Devil Rays (what?). I guess Ben plays shortstop for the Devil Rays, and I guess the Devil Rays are in Major League Baseball, although I've never heard of them before. 

According to Devil Rays Index and this article, Julianna's an aspiring artist in the field of Christian music. But before you use the term Christian "rock," be advised that her MySpace page is loaded with samples of her music, and it wouldn't be a bad knock-off of Imogen Heap were it not for her occasional mention of Jesus in the lyrics.

So, there you go: With Leather's Christian Music Athlete Wife of the Week. Somehow I think this will be a one-time award. Unless Amy Grant marries Dennis Rodman. What a minx! Tell me I'm not the only who got a boner to the "Every Heartbeat" video.

Mike Conley, Jr. hit a tough layup to give Ohio State its final lead against a stubborn Wisconsin team on Sunday, and — as Bill Simmons pointed out on his basketball blog — hoops skills run in the family. Even though Mike Conley, Sr. wasn't a pro cager, his skills as an Olympic gold medalist in the triple jump translated pretty well to this Foot Locker dunk contest of yesteryear.

Conley Sr's competition included Junior Griffey and Deion Sanders, and you know it was a long time ago, because they're both rocking Kid n Play fades, and Griffey doesn't pull a hamstring (that we can tell).

Iconic Arizona hoops coach Lute Olson denied that he had Parkinson's disease at his press conference yesterday, dismissing the claim as a "vicious rumor" intended to hurt his recruiting prospects.

"There is absolutely no truth to that statement. If it has been repeatedly on radio stations then I will take the necessary actions that I need to get this stopped," he said. "It is a vicious, vicious rumor. If I need to I will get my physician to make a statement. I don't think anybody deserves that rumor to be circulating… This is the kind of thing you get from people you are recruiting against."

Um, I'm pretty sure it's a fact that all old people have Parkinson's and smell like vinegar, and some old guy with Alzheimer's telling me he doesn't have Parkinson's isn't quite enough for me to believe him.

Besides, can we trust a 72-year-old who chooses to keep working an exhausting job like coaching the college game? If I have the bad luck to still be alive at 72, I'm not doing a damn thing besides sitting on the porch drinking bourbon, yelling at kids, and making off-color remarks about young women. In other words, basically the same thing I do now.

Via Signal to Noise 

Game of Shadows is being released in paperback, and Mark (Jedi name) Fainaru-Wada and Lance Williams have written a special afterword that documents, for the 3 billionth time, that Barry Bonds used every performance-enhancing drug on the planet. An excerpt:

For his part, [equipment manager Mike] Murphy could document Bonds' physical changes via the changes in his uniform size. Since joining the Giants, Bonds had gone from a size 42 to a size 52 jersey; from size 10 ½ to size 13 cleats; and from a size 7 1/8 to size 7 ¼ cap, even though he had taken to shaving his head. The changes in his foot and head size were of special interest: medical experts said overuse of Human Growth Hormone could cause an adult's extremities to begin growing.

I dunno. I don't really see how this proves anything. I mean, it's pretty common for a grown man's feet to grow two and a half sizes when he works out in the gym as much as Bonds. Combine that with the growth spurt most men have in their early 30s, and it makes perfect sense.

Besides, I don't think we can trust these numbers. No way dude's head was only a 7¼ in 2003. Normal people can wear a 7¼. He was rocking at least an eight and a half. He didn't have a real head so much as a vaguely head-shaped prize-winning potato.

Via the FanHaus 

Pretty disappointing that it's noon on Wednesday, and I've already seen the best thing I'll see all week. Say what you will about how these Vandy undergrads are spending their dorm room days, but this beats the hell out of my two years in a dorm. Pretty much all I did was play Madden on the Sega Genesis, take naps, and do power hours. When I was a sophomore I added the wrinkle of hooking up with freshmen girls, but I didn't get any of it on video (sorry). However, if I had, I definitely would have chosen the same musical selection as these guys.

Thanks to Deadspin for this awesome find.