With Bill Parcells's sensible retirement yesterday, the media's first telephone calls were naturally directed at Terrell Owens. Of course, T.O. disappointed reporters by being overly gracious and thanking Parcells for his stalwart leadership. Just kidding — he was a dick. As usual.

“I am just hoping his retirement brings promise to what the team has to offer… This past year was a big letdown… Hopefully, the owner will hire a coach to take the team to the next level.”

T.O. said that Parcells fostered an unhealthy locker room environment. “Sometimes change is good,” Owens told the paper. “I think it was needed… I still think he is a great guy. But he is like my grandmother. You love the person, but they are stuck in their old-school ways.”

Personally, I'm disappointed T.O. held back the way he did — it seems like he tried to say nice things about Parcells, then he forgot what he was supposed to be saying so he just called him old. "Yeah, I'm glad he's gone — he wears adult diapers, and he had that nursing home smell."

Which is true, by the way. I mean, probably.