The grown sons of Andy Reid are named Britt and Garrett. Those are the kind of names a man gets only from a woman. And it looks like Britt and Garrett got girlie driving skills to go with their girlie names: both were involved in separate traffic incidents in the same county yesterday.
Garrett Reid was driving a black Jeep Liberty SUV that collided with a car at Germantown Pike and Arch Road about 2:30 p.m., according to police… The driver of a Ford Taurus, an unidentified woman from the Harrisburg area, was taken by helicopter to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania, police said. She was listed in serious condition.
Britt Reid allegedly exchanged insults and gestures with the other driver as they drove down the road… At a stop light, Reid allegedly got out of his car and approached the other driver, who remained in his car.
Some reports claim that Britt was in a rush to get to the scene to Garrett's accident, but that detracts from the focal point of the story: Andy Reid allowed his wife to name his sons Garrett and Britt.
And apparently Reid has a third son. He's an Asian woman named Mary.
Ah, college hockey. It happens in northern states, where it's actually en vogue to care about hockey. Thousands of passionate fans in the stands, long-standing rivalries that actually matter, and Minnesota goalie Jeff Frazee is ready to play!
Ooh. Might be time to transfer. Actually, that's kind of a lengthy process. He might need something more immediate, like smashing a hole in the ice and drowning himself in the icy water.
What the fuck do you mean they don't play on a frozen lake? Man, hockey sucks.
(Via SimonOnSports)
The NBA found two teams from the Eastern Conference who don't completely blow last night, and made them play each other, resulting in a game that didn't entirely suck. Pretty crazy, I know, but it happened.
Gilbert Arenas — why is that name familiar? — scored 36 points and added 11 assists and 7 rebounds as the Wizards beat the Pistons 104-99 to continue their dominance at home (18-4 so far this season). Unfortunately for les boulez, Antawn Jamison left the game with an injured something-or-other (hey, read the article your damn self), so now they're down to two good players.
I'd like to feel bad for Antawn, but I can feel no sympathy for pro athletes whose names openly defy the logic of Hooked on Phonics. It's one of the reasons that no matter how luminescently he performs, Dwyane Wade can never be my favorite player.
And Laveranues Coles? You can go to hell. You go straight to hell.
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If you're a sports fan, you probably don't know who Tory Burch is (pictured here with a gay man; more photos here). She's an obscenely wealthy socialite originally from Philly, and she designs ugly clothes for moms who think they're fashionable. She's also — according to the never-wrong gossip pages — dating Lance Armstrong.
The champion bicyclist and socialite designer were quite cozy at a birthday party in L.A. over the weekend, says our spy. Word is Armstrong liked what he read about Tory in a recent Vanity Fair profile of her and ex Chris Burch. Armstrong, who won the Tour de France seven times, supposedly told a pal: "She came off as intelligent and successful," and arranged to meet her.
Not exactly a huge story, except for two points: First, Tory Burch has six children. SIX. And she looks like that. Her uterus must have magical powers, like turning lead into gold, or making the Knicks good.
Second, while I'd ordinarily take the opportunity to make a one-testicle joke here, I actually want to express some manner of congratulations to this prospective couple, because Chris Burch is a HUGE cockgobbler. A former associate of mine worked with Burch's label, of which Chris Burke Burch (Freudian slip there!) was CEO. He managed to do everything from call female employees fat to refer to his wife as an "asset." So I guess that's proof that having one ball is better than being a humongous dick.
Huh. I guess there's always room for single-testicle jokes.
Here's a terrifying story that will chill you to the bone:
Teachers across North Carolina are betting that NASCAR-related lesson plans will snag the attention of students otherwise not interested in learning. This week, 24 teachers are attending a seminar called "NASCAR: Science on the Race Track" that's sponsored by the N.C. Center for the Advancement of Teaching.
If you're an economics teacher, you might tell students how a future NASCAR Hall of Fame could boost the state's economy. Science teachers might illustrate the physics of energy by asking students to build, then test a car model. Physical education teachers? They'll also find a NASCAR concept to apply in class.
I… wow. I know teaching is a shitty, thankless job, and that crappy parenting has turned most children into feral little monsters. So, I guess I support different methods of tricking kids into learning something. But still: NASCAR? This has to be the last resort.
And I don't see this working beyond science or economics classes. Or maybe shop. Somehow I just don't see NASCAR improving literacy or our grasp of American history. That'd be like me teaching abstinence. I just wouldn't know where to start. "Wait, wait. WHOA. You're telling me NOT having sex is an option? Get the fuck out."
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