We Are the Postmen today raises an impossible question…. What's more irritating: pre-adolescent pansy skate punks who suck at skating, or pissy overweight fathers with puntable bitch dogs?

Jesus, Mary, and Joseph is that 89 seconds of bitchy lameness that will never be equalled. Pink fairies pillowfighting have more street cred than this asshole convention.

Why was I not there to levy my brand of fearsome vigilante justice? The punishments: For sucking at skating and not ganging up to beat the shit out of that potbellied rectal polyp, the kids would all get their femurs reduced to powder by skateboard-beating. For jumping a kid on a skateboard in front of his two children — while wearing a faggy backpack and holding his rat-dog's leash, no less — I would happily disembowel that man with my bare hands.

You think I'm just writing that, but I'm dead fucking serious. I want his entrails in my hands. Oh no, not wax on the bricks. There goes the neighborhood.