Man, I always knew that I was a sucker for serving on active duty. Now, thanks to studly former Marine Alex, I have proof why the National Guard is the way to go.

[Ware Shoals High School cheerleading coach Jill] Moore was charged with transfer of alcohol to an underage person and contributing to the delinquency of a minor… The FOX Carolina affiliate reported that sources said  Moore was dating a National Guard recruiter and was recruiting cheerleaders to party. In at least one incident, a 16-year-old student had sex and drank alcohol with another National Guardsman…

Deputies believe [Principal Jane] Blackwell knew the coach was giving alcohol to students but did not report the information to authorities… Blackwell, 59, was arrested Monday and charged with obstruction of justice.

That's right: Join the National Guard. Earn money for college while shtupping drunk underage cheerleaders that your recruiter buddy's cheerleading coach girlfriend pimps out at your parties. And the high school principal endorses it! Fuck yes. That's a hell of a lot more effective than that whole "The Few. The Proud" thing that I fell for. All I got out of my service was a lifetime of pride. I never once got hot high school cheerleader tail.

What's with the picture, you ask? Well, I did a Google Image Search for "drunk cheerleader," and this was the only one that was safe for work. I like the black-and-white. Makes 'em look classy, I think.