DEREK JETER IS PROBABLY A TERRORIST
01.05.07
Did you know Derek Jeter once raped a little paraplegic boy? it's probably true, even though I made it up. And I heard from Jessica Biel that his penis is only 1.2 inches long fully erect, and the only reason it was fully erect was because he was choking himself while watching video of car wrecks. It's true. Then she and I made out and her underwear got soaked.
This all happened in my vision of the future, of course, because right now Biel is in Puerto Rico with Captain Fucking America Play the Game the Right Way. Whatever, he wasn't even the AL MVP last season.
Anyway, here are some photos courtesy the New York Post via Splash News. It must be hard to be a paparazzi dude. "Hey, go to Puerto Rico and photograph Jessica Biel's ass." Uh, okay, if I have to. Although I'm not sure I could do it without taunting Jeter. Everyone knows that weasel lacks home run power.
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![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/Bad-East-2-180x180.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wl.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/bryce-harper-1st-homer-180x180.jpg)
Thanks. I needed a break from staring at photos of Jessica Alba’s ass. Just for variety, I am going to find some pictures of Jessica Tandy’s ass. Then it is back to Alba.
did you just refer to jessica biel and her prized commodity as jessica alba?
EXCOMMUNICATO!
on second thought, maybe i’m an idiot. don’t blame me, blame the powerhouse ass that’s distracting me.
*While Jessica’s down on him and D.J.’s watching TV* “Oh yeah baby how did I do that? God Giambi was going home and I flipped it to Posada and I wasn’t even supposed to be there and we got him by a step. Oooooh I’m about to blow. AAAAAAAH. K I’m done. Oh, sorry Jessica, were you doing something?” Jessica then leaves to go down on R.J., who actually notices when he’s getting head and doesn’t spurt to himself playing baseball. Well, just that once. But I got an inside the park homerun. I mean, how often does that happen?
This is why I hate the Yankees!