12.29.06 WEEKEND PICKS, 12/29/06

What to watch for in this weekend's biggest match-ups. Home team in ALL CAPS.

Navy over BOSTON COLLEGE — Ah, the Meineke Car Care Bowl. A true classic. I don't think the Eagles will have an answer for long-range Tomahawk missiles fired from Seawolf-class subs parked off the coast.

CHAMPAGNE over Beer — I'm one of a handful of people on Earth who doesn't get hung over from champagne. I think that qualifies me for a role on "Heroes." 

Toronto over MEMPHIS — Saturday night. A requiem for Mike Fratello. 

CHARGERS over Cardinals — I make only the most daring picks.

The Blogospehere over PATRICK HRUBY AT PAGE 2 — Read Hruby's year-end police blotter power rankings, his year in review, and the Sports 'n Drugs Quiz. Once you're done not laughing, tell me why ESPN.com hasn't hired someone (funny) to actually blog the way Deadspin, The Big Lead, and Yours Truly do. Answer: because they're dumb.

Texas over IOWA — Iowa went 2-6 in the Big Ten this year. Why the FUCK are they in a bowl game?

Ass over TITS — I just wanted to go on the record on this one. I get mislabeled as a breast man because of my photo selections here, but that's really just because it's easier to keep the boobies in the picture when I crop a photo. HOWEVER: in a perfect world, this isn't an either/or scenario.

Phew. Tough two-day week for me. I'm gonna need this three-day weekend to recover. But I'll be back on Tuesday. Will there be pictures of hot chicks only obliquely related to the stories I cover? My prediction: And how.