With just two weeks left in the season, eighteen teams are scrambling for the final six playoff spots. And, in a sad turn for competitive playoff football, some of those spots will go to NFC teams. If you'll forgive me overlooking the Raiders' five turnovers in a 20-0 shutout against the Rams, here's a quick look at the immense suckitude of the NFC playoff picture:

East: Despite another Cowboys win Saturday night, if the Eagles win out, they win the division outright. Wasn't Philly in freefall a month ago? Also, the Giants, who are 1-5 over the last six weeks, are somehow in good position for a wild card. Gamblers everywhere hunger for Eli Manning in the playoffs.

South: Talk about letdown games: the Saints win today's Suck-Off with a shameful 16-10 loss at home to the craptastic Redskins. It's like they refused to let pundits think they were an excellent, dangerous team for more than a week. Oh, and everyone who picked the Panthers for the Super Bowl? <Triumph the Insult Comic Dog> YOU SUCK! </Triumph>

North: The Bears needed overtime to beat the Bucs after blowing a 14-point lead in the fourth quarter at Soldier Field. This is the best team in the NFC.

West: The Seahawks, once 8-4, have lost two straight (Arizona and San Francisco) to set the stage for a fabulous late-season collapse. Watch for the Niners to come out as 8-8 division champs.

Guhhhhhh. I'd rather have unprotected sex with Paris Hilton in the East River than bet on the NFC in the Super Bowl.