Steroid Nation picked up a nice little story from the Houston Chronicle that details the flourishing cockfighting industry in Texas. And friends, the ugly reach of steroids has spread from baseball to football to our most beloved illegal animal fighting tradition imported from Mexico:

Roosters are shorn of their combs and wattles, fitted with razor blades or ice picks and often injected with steroids or blood-clotting drugs before being forced to fight to the death.

This is an outrage! I demand more stringent steroid-testing for our nation's fighting cocks! Can we stand idly by while we watch Little Jerry Seinfeld's records fall to Little Barry Bonds?

I have heard, however, that women prefer a cock with a shorn wattle. I've been considering doing that myself.

Michigan's football team has set the bar high in the Beef Bowl, the annual eat-off between teams paired off in the Rose Bowl. Yesterday the Wolverines downed more than a quarter-ton of slow-cooked prime rib.

Michigan gorged itself on 612 pounds of meat, roughly 100 pounds more than the team devoured two years ago. In fact, teams average somewhere in the high 400s to low 500s.

Lest anyone think the Beef Bowl is just another silly night of California decadence, we happily point out this: Teams that eat the most prime rib win the Rose Bowl 70% of the time.

Ah, I see. And here I was thinking touchdowns during the game were what affected the outcome. Say what you will about the Midwest, but those boys know two things: beer and meat. And football. So, three.

Anyway, USC gets its chance tonight, and you know those southern California pussies are gonna lose. "No thanks, I had sushi earlier." "This much meat is terrible for my complexion." "Aw jeez, I just had my colon flushed last week."

Why the photo of Love Brigade's Alyssa Key? Well, the story's about prime rib. Connect the dots, dumbass.

SI.com has a feature where Brooklyn Decker, Marisa Miller (pictured), Anne V, Fernanda Motta, and Daniella Sarahyba rank the best-looking athletes in all of sports. Here are their top five, with the average score out of ten in parentheses (emphasis mine):

1. Kelly Slater (9.7)
2. David Beckham (9.1)
3. Fredrik Ljungberg (8.4)
   
4. Zinedine Zidane (8.4)
5. TOM BRADY (8.2)

Oh fuck no they didn't. Three soccer players and a surfer? Thanks a lot, girls. Now the Patriots are going to have to win another Super Bowl just to prove some models wrong. Nobody, but NOBODY, disrespects Dreaboat like that.

About the only thing they got right was that Tony Romo was nowhere in the top 20. That dimpled bitch couldn't get A-lister Jessica Simpson, so he went with countrified reality-TV B-lister Carrie Underwood. Carrie ought to be insulted. And then seek comfort in my tender embrace.

Good morning, With Leather readers. I hope you all had a happy holiday full of strippers, booze, and hot streaks at the craps table. I've always said that the best way to spend Christmas is in a drug-addled haze with sexy girls who will trade crotch-rubbing for your hard-earned gambling winnings.

So, what did I miss over the last five days that the site gathered e-dust? Well, James Brown and Gerry Ford and some unfamous people died. The Thing and Ohio State got blown out by Florida. The NFC continued its quest for a twelve-way tiebreaker to see which .500 teams make the playoffs. D-Wade gave Kobe the gift of 40 points and 11 dimes (I didn't watch the game, but I'm assuming I fouled him by writing that sentence). Ron Artest for Corey Maggette trade talks are brewing. Some college bowl games might have been played. And also the NHL season continued, I assume.

Okay, let's do this. I'm comin' at'cha with all-new posts today, and I'm totally not going to mail it in. So sit back with your new holiday schwag and enjoy. (Did you get what you wanted? I got a video iPod and a fifth of scotch for Christmas. Guess which one is already gone.)

Yeah, I know. I'm a perverted deviant, and this blog is definitely on the naughty list. But I wanted to wish everyone a merry Christmas and happy Passover or whatever. I'm actually going to take three days off — I know, I'm sorry — but I'll be back in action on Thursday morning with the same barely contained rage and rock-hard abs you've come to know and love.

In the meantime, I'd like to open up the comments as a forum for y'all to post links to galleries of sexy Santa girls and funny holiday-related videos — let's try to keep it semi-SFW for the poor folks who have to work over the holidays. Anyway, I'll get the ball rolling with some more Ana Beatriz Barros. Stay safe, and I'll see you back here next week. 

p.s. Also funny: cats in Santa costumes.

What to watch for in this weekend's biggest match-ups. Home team in ALL CAPS.

Chargers over SEAHAWKS — I'm so, so, so happy I won't be watching this game. The shoddy tackling of Seattle's D + LaDainian Tomlinson = Guhhhhhh.

2006 RETROSPECTIVES over 2007 Predictions — What kind of dumbasses make predictions, anyway?

Drinking Too Much at the Christmas Party over SOBER CONVERSATIONS WITH CO-WORKERS — C'mon, the booze is free! Live it up! Give your boss managerial advice! Tell that chick in accounting she's got a sweet rack! 

Lakers over HEAT — I like D-Wade, too. But let's be real.

FALCONS over Panthers — Chris Weinke's starting. Christmas comes early for shrewd gamblers. 

IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE over Miracle on 34th Street — And it's not even close. Fucking blowout. I'm not interested in Natalie Wood until she develops breasts and starts drinking.

Opening Presents on Christmas Morning over BEING GOD'S CHOSEN PEOPLE — Sorry, Jews. Christmas owns. 

(1) UCLA over Michigan — This game is on CBS Saturday afternoon. Why UCLA? I dunno. Pretty colors. Better record. I know nothing about college hoops.

George Winston's December over CELTIC CHRISTMAS — This battle will be determined only after I get tired of Bing singing "White Christmas." Which, frankly, may never happen.