What a friggin' slow news day. What does a guy have to do to get an athlete to shoot or rape somebody? From what I can tell, there weren't even any good DUIs so far this week.

Anyway, I was checking out the NFL Rush site — I'm not quite sure what its purpose is; I think it's supposed to get kids hooked on the NFL early — and there's a contest where kids can enter to bring an NFL player to school. Each team has "donated" one such player for the task, and for the most part it makes a lot of sense. Michael Strahan represents the Giants, Donovan McNabb the Eagles, Vince Young the Titans, Steve Smith the Panthers, and so on.

Some teams are out to screw the kids out of a memorable experience, though. Like, the Texans are sending out tackle Ephraim Salaam (Timmy, age 7: "Why do you let David Carr get hit so much?"). The Bears, chock-full of defensive stars, an exciting offense with high-profile receivers, and an All-Pro center (Olin Kreutz) who probably owes some community service, are sending out guard Roberto Garza. Way to build that young fan base, Chicago.

The hands-down winners, though, are the Bills, whose representative is… Brian Moorman, the punter. Christ. You lose four Super Bowls in a row, the least you can do is let the kids catch an interception from J.P. Losman.