My God, what a slow sports day. You know what I do when absolutely nothing is happening? I go on YouTube and search "sports nut shots."

Hey, it's a living.

Oh, Jeremy Shockey. Where do I begin with this guy? During Sunday's warm-ups, after dislocating a finger so badly that the bone broke through his skin, he told the team's trainers to just cut the finger off (they chose stitches instead of amputation).

Following the game — the Giants blew a 21-0 fourth quarter lead, perhaps you've heard? — Shockey remained undaunted by the team's next opponent, the NFC East-leading Cowboys.

"No one's beat us. We only beat ourselves… No one is capable of hanging around when we play our game. People seen that when we played the Cowboys the first time [a 36-22 Giants win in Dallas]. There is no way they have a chance in hell to beat us when we play our football. And that is the truth. No other team in this league."

Nevemind that that last win came over a Bledsoe-led Cowboys team… wow. To suck so hard in such bad losses (I'm also reminded of an earlier blowout in Seattle) and to not even blink: I can only call that Rumsfeldian.

Somehow I don't think it would be fun to hang out with Shockey on a Friday night. I can't help but think that the night would devolve into shots of Three Wise Men and getting called "you fuckin' pussy" for not wanting to do pull-ups off the side of the Queensboro Bridge.

One of the things you didn't watch last night was TBS's new show "My Boys." It's about fictitious female Chicago Cubs reporter PJ Franklin, played by Jordana Spiro, who got the part despite knowing or caring nothing about sports. Spiro:

"I was more into the artsy fartsy side of things. That's where PJ and I split. I didn't play sports; I didn't watch it."

"I knew not to bother my dad when he was watching a, what do you call it? A match."

"One of the early scripts talked about a five-tool player and I didn't know what that was. I have a sports buddy I call about references like that."

Seriously, was she the only one who tried out for the role? Did no one who gave a fuck about sports show up to the audition? Y'know, someone who doesn't have to use one of her lifelines to talk about baseball?

If TBS was so eager to hire someone who doesn't know anything about baseball, they should have just gone with Bud Selig. He's a little bit cuter at least.

So, how are the Red Sox doing in their negotiations with gyroballer Daisuke Matsuzaka? Um, not so well:

The Red Sox dazzled us all with their aggressiveness in the Matsuzaka sweepstakes, acting like the big-market bullies they are. The Sox outbid everyone by nearly $15 million… [but] there was just one small glitch to the plan. Scott Boras noticed… [L]ess than three weeks before D-Day for D-Mat, and here is what we know: Boras and the Red Sox are an ocean apart. The Sox believe Matsuzaka to be worth roughly $7 million to $8 million annually while Boras puts the number at somewhere near $15 million per.

Ooh, that smarts. Larry Lucchino has gone scurrying off to Japan to see if the Seibu Lions, who stand to gain $51.1 million, would be willing to give a few dollars back to the Sox so that D-Mat can get a contract and the Lions aren't left without a cent in the deal.

That's a noble trip to Japan. If I went I'd just visit the Hello Kitty factory and search for Miwa Oshiro (pictured). I get distracted easily. But I guess that's why Lucchino runs a baseball team and why I spend all day looking at pictures of girls in bikinis.

Winner: Yup, you guessed it. Me.

The ACC, as always, has the advantage two days into the Big 10/ACC Challenge. I'm not really sure how to cover five games I didn't watch last night, but rest assured that the ACC won three of them, which has to be considered a pretty solid night for the Big 10, which is too bad. The Atlantic Coast has all sorts of things going for it, like beaches and cities. The Big 10 is pretty much the best thing about the Midwest, except for Chicago and the excellent gas mileage the lack of hills provides.

One of the wins last night for the Big 10: Northwestern over Miami. As many of you know, Northwestern has turned out such luminaries as the handsomest sports blogger in the world, Dan Shanoff, SI's Stew Mandel, and (rumored) a hot girl sometime last decade. Miami's alumni include Michael Irvin, 15% of everyone in the NFL, and wealthy South Beach girls with boob jobs. Northwestern's students face ice and snow half the school year; the U's student body is perpetually tan.

In other words, this is the first time in the history of everything that Northwestern has bested Miami at anything. Well, besides SAT scores. As if those mattered. If I had my choice between a girl who can read and Miami's Glam Rock Bikini Fashion Show (pictured)… ummm, I'm not even going to finish that sentence.

For once it's not just the tabloids beating up on the Giants. After that epic collapse to the Titans, everyone's dissecting just how fucked Tom Coughlin is and how much Eli Manning sucks.

Long-winded egghead Gregg Eaterbrook spent seemingly half of his 9000-word TMQ column on Coughlin's failures (the other half was about astronomy and physics), and a high-ranking Giants official says that the oft-second-guessed Coughlin now faces a team mutiny, which I think we can all agree would be pretty awesome, especially if it ends with Coughlin hanging from the yardarm and Jeremy Shockey wearing a Motorola headset, brow furrowed as he reads a laminated play card upside-down.

The nail in the coffin is the New York Times's examination of the team's body language. It had two experts, Tonya Reiman and Maxine Lucille Fiel, watch tape of the G-Men Sunday in Tennessee.

“Even when they were winning, their body language wasn’t all that good,” Reiman said. “They seem to have a defeatist attitude. You see disagreement and restrained anger… It was such a lack of effort, a lack of spirit. I didn’t understand it.”

So what can the Giants do to save their season? According to Fiel,

“They need to get that other No. 10, that guy from Tennessee — Young… He’s so joyous, so joyful. You can feel his joy just watching him. He has so much energy. He’s like a dancer. Maybe he can inspire the Giants.”

Sounds like it should be pretty easy. All the Giants need to do is go back in time and draft Young. Or maybe Philip Rivers. Whatever the case, time travel is the solution. Just like always.