I'm going to need you all to sit down for this one. You're already sitting down? I guess that makes sense if you're at a computer. Okay: according to the Philadelphia Daily News, rejected Eagle/no-talent loudmouth Freddie Mitchell — as mold spores are wont to do — has re-surfaced:

The ex-Iggle's been hanging out with Urkel at the Playboy mansion. FredEx, most recently with the Kansas City Chiefs, is photographed with actor Jaleel White, who looks big enough to play football, in the current Playboy… Mitchell and White are pals from UCLA.

I remember when I would have sawed off my left arm to get into a party at the Playboy Mansion, but now I'm not so sure. If Freddie Mitchell and a muscled-up Urkel are going to be cock-blocking me, that's a whole sphere of coolness I'm not prepared to compete with. Who could I get to roll with me so that I had half their street cred?

I'm thinking Brian Bosworth and Boner from "Growing Pains." They sure as shit aren't doing anything.