10.24.06 I Expect Royalties When This Gets Made
So, okay. There's this rookie cop, right? But he's not just ANY rookie cop: he's a washed-up NBA star. Not some little point guard guy either, but a big-ass center. Black guy, of course. And he's, like, a part of this SWAT team against Internet sex offenders.
But on his first raid, he terrorizes an innocent family. Even interrogates the kids. You've seen The Untouchables, right? It's like that part when Kevin Costner goes bulldozing into the empty building. So the NBA guy gets kicked off the force, but he sets up a private investigation firm so he can still track down Internet predators.
Only he needs a mentor, because he's all inexperienced, you know? So he finds this investigative reporter who's famous for busting people jerkin' it in the library. Always wears a trench coat. White dude, because we've already got the black guy. And he's all old and crotchety, but he's happy to finally be carrying a gun instead of a microphone. And from there they argue a lot and break up a ring of Internet kiddie porn guys or something, and they do it their way, man, even if the stodgy old cops and City Hall keep getting in their way.
What's that smell? It's the scent of money, my friends. Eau de Summer Blockbuster.

There are 7 comments about:
I Expect Royalties When This Gets Made
A) Stephen Seagal is pissed that he lost the part to Carl Monday.
B) Good Lord, Monday without socks is a sexually repulsive sight.
Also, I expect therapy and a relocation to Canada when this film gets made.
That is the funniest thing ever. Phillip Michael Shaq rulez!!!
“Monday without socks is a sexually repulsive sight.” My first thought was, yeah, but just imagine Monday without pants. My second thought was, oh christ I just did, and now I have to kill myself.
As long as Carl Monday is scripted to say “I’m gettin’ too old for this ‘people having sex with themselves’ shit.” I’m in…
You Shaq’in it?
Please, please, don’t let Carl Monday wear that sheer shirt in the film either…
Oh, that’s just great. Now I have to think about the possibility of seeing Carl Monday’s nipples? I can only kill myself so many times before Tiki Barber stops teleporting in to resurrect me. Dude’s got a life, after all.
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