This is a tough one. What with Cory Lidle's death earlier this week, it's pretty hard to make jokes about Yankees and airplane crashes. But when Alex Rodriguez's private jet goes off the runway, well, the kid gloves come off.

It might be time for Steinbrenner to outlaw air travel for the pinstriped All-Stars this offseason. Make them take the train or something. Or buy them all Madden Cruisers.

Wait — holy shit. I've got it all wrong. Steinbrenner's behind all of this, that evil fuck. Well, George, I'm on to you, and this is NOT an acceptable way to trim your payroll in order to afford Daisuke Matsuzaka. Watch out Yankees! Jason Giambi: make sure that needle's clean, pal. Kyle Farnsworth's XBox is booby-trapped. And Randy Johnson better check his brake lines before he goes to the post office to not mail his child support check.

Ah, why do I care? Kill 'em all, George.