Barry Bonds, who at present is 21 home runs behind Hank Aaron, has announced that he will return next year. Well, actually it was his agent who announced it, but I'm having a hard time coping with the details.

Well, this has been just a real spectacular day. This really gets me stoked for next year, because the season-long ticker from ESPN hasn't kept me aware of how many home runs Barry has. I fucking hate this guy. Nothing would make me happier than Ken Griffey Jr and Hank Aaron beating him to death with Louisville Sluggers then dumping his body in McCovey Cove for those asshole kayakers to find.

Well, one thing would make me happier. Unfortunately I don't think Scarlett Johansson would really fall in love with me just because I punched Josh Hartnett's squinty eyes out. But she should.