As we discussed yesterday, people were a bit perplexed when TNT NBA analyst Shaquille O’Neal was suddenly mentioned as a candidate for the vacant Orlando Magic GM position, because he’d spent the last decade completely pissing all over the franchise that drafted him No. 1 overall in 1992. Eventually, though, it made perfect sense when it was revealed that Shaq was being considered for the job because Shaq told everyone that, because he likes when everyone talks about him.

But Shaq tied up all the loose ends yesterday when he released a statement about how even though he told everyone he was interested in the Magic GM job, he wasn’t interested in the Magic GM job, adding: “I’m Shaq. Shaq Shaq Shaq.”

“When I first heard about the vacancy for the Orlando Magic general manager position, I was clearly intrigued. I was drafted by the Magic, I have a great love for the franchise, and I have made the city of Orlando my home. Additionally, I have great admiration and respect for the DeVos family. However, this is not a job I have an interest in pursuing. I feel very fortunate to be with TNT and to have the best job in sports. I look forward to many more years with Charles, Kenny and E.J. I wish the best for the Magic and I am confident that they will select a great GM and coach.” (Via Pro Basketball Talk)

The truth is, though, that Diesel’s schedule is just way too booked up right now. As you can see from the banner image – via The Superficial – Shaq is back to what he does best – making terrible movies. He’s currently filming the Happy Madison production Grown Ups 2, because all of the people who paid to see the first Grown Ups (my pick for Worst Film of 2010) said the same thing: “It was terrible, sure, but I feel like they could have made it worse.”

And because I’m in a retro flashback mood today, I’ve included a very important and relevant video after the jump.

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“Shoenice” (he’s the one in the video wearing a shirt with SHOENICE across the front) is a comedian from upstate New York and a Yankees fan who has amassed a decent amount of side-eyed Internet fame for eating random sh*t — bottles of Elmer’s Glue, tampons, an entire box of crayons, etc. — and while it’s not even remotely related to sports I’m gonna quote the NEW YORK YANKEES, CRAZY FANS and COMPETITIVE EATING tags and say f**k you, it’s Friday.

This is easily my favorite video he’s ever done, 10% for the absurdity of a guy thinking this was a good or desirable idea and 80% for the hilarious commentary of his friends. Here’s a definitive list:

- “Oh myeh God, GOD DAMNehhh”
- “You’re rocking, dude!”
- “Niiice, bro!”
- “Ohson!/Oh my God!”
- “Yer da man!”
- “Woo! Woo.”

The final 10% is for visual proof that Shoenice has friends. I’m guessing he used his glue-chugging money to make these guys paid extras.

[h/t Bob's Blitz]

"Haha, I don't have an agent either!"

Never in a million years would I have ever thought I’d say, “Please, bring back Bow Wow.” But there I was last night, flipping through the channels during a timeout in the Miami Heat’s series-clinching victory over the Indiana Pacers, when I stumbled upon the film Like Mike 2: Streetball, as it aired on BET. I was 23 when the original Like Mike was in theaters, so it wasn’t exactly my type of film, and needless to say that a 2006 straight-to-DVD sequel wouldn’t be my cup of Sanka either.

But there it was, in all its glory – the rehashed, recycled and redonkulous sequel to the story of a kid who receives the magical ability to play basketball like Michael Jordan from a pair of dirty old sneakers hanging from a power line. This time, instead of Bow Wow’s Calvin Cambridge, the young hero is Jascha Washington’s Jerome, who is the son of a streetball legend and therefore wants to be the best as well. The only problem is he’s too young and small and clichéd.

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Tonight’s the big night: for an entry fee of only ten bucks, you could end up as one of 15 finalists competing for a $100,000 grand prize playing FanDuel fantasy baseball in Las Vegas. If you missed our announcement earlier in the week, here are the details:

The FanDuel Daily Fantasy Baseball Championship consists of 15 Friday qualifying tournaments that are only $10 to enter. Each weekly tournament has over $3000 in prizes, but if you win one of the 15 qualifying tournaments, you and a friend win an all expenses paid trip to the Palazzo in Las Vegas the weekend of July 28 & 29. There, the 15 finalists will compete for $250,000 in cash prizes in a one-day fantasy baseball game with the winner taking home $100,000. Again, it’s only $10 to enter and you can enter as many teams as you want.

That’s not something you want to miss out on, is it? You could win more money than most people make in a year by saying “I think I’ll pick Mike Trout tonight” and clicking a button. That’s incredible, isn’t it? All you have to do right now is say “I think I’ll play Brandon’s cool fantasy thing” and click a button. This button. And hell, even if you don’t like baseball, find somebody who does and try to win a trip to Vegas.

(Sign up now!)

Whereas 2011 was a high point in investigative journalism with the Jerry Sandusky and Bernie Fine cases, 2012 is clearly the year of streaker news. Already, our good friend Jon Bois at SB Nation has been keeping incredible track of the baseball season’s early abundance of streakers – most notably in Baltimore – but last night’s game between the Cardinals and Phillies at Busch Stadium marked the pinnacle in the journalistic attention to naked dudes.

Between our other good friend Matt Sebek from Joe Sports Fan and Yahoo! baseball writer Jeff Passan, we were given a clinic on how you cover and investigate a naked man on a baseball field. Thanks to Passan, we know that last night’s Busch streaker is 22-year old Jefferson Cirty landscaper Collin Grundstrom – talk about a Yard Crasher! *slide whistle* – and we also learned that he rushed the field for the most important reason of all – why the f*ck not?

“I’m gonna streak,” he announced at the beginning of the St. Louis Cardinals-Philadelphia Phillies game to those within earshot of Section 133, Row 5, Seat 4. At first, they chuckled. Then they started to believe him. Which was followed by attempts to dissuade him. And ultimate acceptance that, yes, Grundstrom was gonna streak, and it was only a matter of when.

“He was very nonchalant,” said Sheila Welch, a Cardinals fan who sat behind Grundstrom. “I tried to tell him he’d go to jail. He didn’t care. I hope his friend thinks that was awesome.”

The most important aspect of this story – even more important than that incredibly well-taken banner image – is that Grundstrom has a large tattoo across his midsection and Passan also pointed out that it reads: “Hakuna Matata”. It means no worries for the rest of your life, except when a fat security guard is Tazing you.

Video after the jump, via Joe Sports Fan, and while it’s taken from a distance, it is still a naked dude so use your discretion.

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Our UFC 145 Live Blog was a huge success, so we’re getting the team back together — FilmDrunk.com editor and “person who has actually gotten into a cage and done this” Dan “Danny Boy” Downes will be handling the play-by-play, giving their predictions and making as many jokes as possible for Saturday night’s UFC 146 event.

The page will go live tomorrow morning, so be sure to bookmark this link: UFC 146: Dos Santos Vs. Mir Live Blog And Open Discussion Thread. If you really want to talk UFC you’re free to do that now, but tomorrow’s thread will bring badge privileges, and those things are like candy.

Full card for the event is below.

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